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Top 10 Valentine's Day Cards You Won't Find At Hallmark...

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, in hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

4. Through all the things that came to pass, our love has grown... but so has your ass.

3. You're a honey... and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty."

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny so, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

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