24 New Jack Bauer Facts

The most recently added 24 Jack Bauer Facts. Please rate as many Random Jack Bauer Facts as you feel like.
We have many other categories that need rating too!

When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essences, the shampoo has an orgasm.


Bulletproof vests are made out of Jack Bauer's skin. They just call it Teflon to fool terrorists into thinking they actually have a chance.


The only reason the energizer bunny keeps going and going is because Jack Bauer is on its tail.


Jack Bauer doesn't chew bubble gum, he chews coal, and when he spits it out, it is a diamond.


The reason why Jack Bauer whispers all the time, is because he has not had a glass of water for 8 seasons.


Bauer's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Osama Bin Laden.


Jack Bauer's hotness is responsible for global warming.


Jack Bauer doesn't care about Kanye West.


So far Jack Bauer has not had to confront the Germans, because his grandfather John "Jack" Bauer sorted that lot out in 1945.


Jack Bauer doesn't like it when people copy Chuck Norris facts and substitute his name. He will gundown your family for that.


Priests confess to Jack Bauer.


Jack Bauer as the new spokesperson for Verizon: "You're gonna hear me now. It's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt."


Jack Bauer produces his own food through photosynthesis which explains why he never eats. This process excretes "Canned Whoop-Ass" which explains everything else.


Clint Eastwood knows Jack Bauer is always feeling lucky.


Jack Bauer is the only government employee that has the 24 hours on and two years off work schedule.


When Jason Bourne grows up...he wants to be just like Jack Bauer.


Jack Bauer doesn't need a belt. He demands that his pants stay up.


Jack Bauer is the only man to ever tear a page out of facebook.


Jack Bauer doesn't sleep, because sleep is the cousin of death.


JB is the most dangerous element on the periodic table of elements.


God didn't rest on the 7th day of Creation. He created Jack Bauer.


Once, a man told Jack Bauer he was better than him. Just kidding. No one is that stupid.


Jack Bauer wanted a pet, so he borrowed Seigfried and Roy's.


Jack Bauer stays up all night. Now vampires are afraid to come out at all.