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24 New Jack Bauer Facts

The most recently added 24 Jack Bauer Facts. Please rate as many Random Jack Bauer Facts as you feel like.
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It is said that the tears of Chuck Norris can cure cancer, except Chuck Norris never crys. Upon hearing this Jack Bauer said, "well see." and left with a pair of jumper cables in hand. Two minuets later he returned and said, "Wrong on both counts."

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

Jack Bauer's mornings usually start with a trip down his slip-and-slide lined with razor blades followed by a dip in a his pool filled with rubbing alcohol. He likes to dry off with a towel made from sandpaper.

Jack Bauer doesn't own a watch, because there's never any time.

Jack Bauer once made a blind man see again, then promptly threatened to cut out his eyes if he didn't give him the information he wanted.

Jack Bauer is mentioned in the Bible 24 times.

Jack Bauer doesn't believe in testing cosmetics on animals, he prefers terrorists.

Jack Bauer never craps because Jack Bauer never eats. Simple, is it not?

"The Lost Boys" is a documentary on Jack Bauer's early undercover work infiltrating a group of vampire terrorists.

Jack Bauer calls Chuck Norris Charlie.

The spoon that Neo is convinced does not exist, is daily used by Jack Bauer to eat his cereal.

When time stands still, Jack Bauer moves at the speed of light.

If Jack Bauer and Walker, Texas Ranger ever happened to get within 10 feet of each other, the universe will explode. Fortunately, they would both survive.

When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essences, the shampoo has an orgasm.

Bulletproof vests are made out of Jack Bauer's skin. They just call it Teflon to fool terrorists into thinking they actually have a chance.

The only reason the energizer bunny keeps going and going is because Jack Bauer is on its tail.

Jack Bauer doesn't chew bubble gum, he chews coal, and when he spits it out, it is a diamond.

The reason why Jack Bauer whispers all the time, is because he has not had a glass of water for 8 seasons.

Bauer's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Osama Bin Laden.

Jack Bauer's hotness is responsible for global warming.

Jack Bauer doesn't care about Kanye West.

So far Jack Bauer has not had to confront the Germans, because his grandfather John "Jack" Bauer sorted that lot out in 1945.

Jack Bauer doesn't like it when people copy Chuck Norris facts and substitute his name. He will gundown your family for that.

Priests confess to Jack Bauer.