New Chuck Norris Jokes

Added on Wednesday, December 14th     Submitted by: Boub Hulsey

Chuck Norris sells his urine...Of course we all know it as Red Bull.

Added on Friday, August 5th     Submitted by: Connor!!!

While having sex in a tractor, some of Chuck Norris' semen escaped into the engine... We now know this tractor as Optimus Prime.

Added on Thursday, August 7th

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Added on Tuesday, April 29th

Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.

Added on Wednesday, March 12th

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.

Added on Friday, January 11th

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Added on Thursday, January 10th

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Added on Thursday, December 6th     Submitted by: HanaBanana

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was too easy.

Added on Tuesday, October 16th     Submitted by: Nathan Umandap

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctors had to call the bomb squad

Added on Monday, October 8th

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Added on Friday, September 28th

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Added on Friday, August 17th     Submitted by: Bill Sizemore

Luke Skywalker uses the Force. The Force uses Chuck Norris.

Added on Thursday, May 3rd

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Added on Thursday, May 3rd

Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Added on Wednesday, April 25th

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.