New Lawyer Riddles

Added on Wednesday, January 11th

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: 'How many can you afford?'

A2: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.

A3: Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting 'Objection!'

A4: Three. One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.

A5: Three. One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.

A6: Three. One to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

A7: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Added on Wednesday, December 21st

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Added on Thursday, December 1st

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?

A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Added on Friday, November 19th

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Added on Tuesday, March 4th

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Added on Friday, December 28th

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Added on Thursday, November 29th

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Added on Wednesday, November 28th

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.

Added on Monday, October 29th

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Added on Monday, May 7th

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a sperm cell?

A: I don't know. But I'll tell you what's the same. They both have a million to one chance of becoming a human being.