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New Man Jokes

The most recently added 10 New Man Jokes. Please rate as many Random Man Jokes as you feel like.
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If a red head works at a bakery, does that make him a gingerbread man?



Single (noun) - A man who make jokes about women in the kitchen.



Men are like Slinky's

You can't help but laugh when one tumbles down the stairs



A couple of women friends were talking. One of them had been divorced recently.

Her friend asked her: "Do you still miss your husband?"

The first woman replied: "Yes, but my aim is improving."



As two women ate lunch together, they discussed the merits of cosmetic surgery. "I have to be honest with you," one woman said to the other. "I'm getting a boob job."

"Oh, that's nothing," her friend replied. "I'm considering having my asshole bleached."

"Wow," the woman replied. "I just cant picture your husband as a blond."



A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.. he begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well... Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please... just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."



Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Madonna

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henry Youngman

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.
Rita Rudner

This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
Judy Tenuta

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
Jean Kerr

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
Gwyneth Paltrow



Many a relationship could be thrown a curve ball if women always told the truth in bed. Imagine the revelation...

She: Get off of me, will ya!!

He: Whatsa matter, am I hurting you?

She: No, you're not hurting me, you're annoying me. You think you could hurt me with THAT?!?

She: Getting a little flabby and chubby, aren't we?

She: Was that it???

She: Two minutes! Boy, that really must have really tired you out!



He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you have succeeded.

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.



Mary: "My last boyfriend said he fantasized about having two girls at once."

Jill: "Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?"

Mary: "I said, 'If you can't satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off two?'"