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Cyclists are Sexier

"Bicycling Magazine" did a survey that showed: Eighty-four percent of its readers think about sex while cycling. When they're thinking, often they think about other cyclists; 68 percent of the women readers said other cyclists are more sexually attractive than non-cyclists. Sixty percent of the men agreed. Twenty-eight percent of all respondents said they met a sex partner through cycling. And two-thirds said cycling makes them better lovers.

While a majority of of the men surveyed said they thought about sex while cycling, a majority of the women said they thought about cycling during sex.

Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?

A: No Cubs

Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.

"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"

"Iím sick of sports, Iím sick of TV," she replied. "You havenít touched me in months. Weíre going to talk about sex right now!"

"OK, OK. So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

Supplemental Rules for Bowling

If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".

When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.

After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.

When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.

After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".

If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking down pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized.

A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.

After Goldilocks broke into the three bears house, Momma and Poppa bear smacked Baby bear for leaving the door unlocked. Baby bear's squeals were reported to Children's Services and the three were hauled into court.

Momma bear and Poppa bear blamed each other for the unbearable abuse and, having separated, each asked for custody of Baby bear.

In a kindly voice, the Judge asked Baby Bear "Do you want to live with your mother?"

Baby bear shook his head. "No, Momma bear beats me."

"Then would you like to live with your father?" asked the Judge.

"No," said Baby bear. "He beats me too."

"Well," says the Judge, "who do you want to live with?"

Baby Bear thinks for a moment. "The Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody."

Q: How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica?

A: Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears. Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.

Q. Why does it take longer to run from second to third base than it does from first to second?

A. Because you have a short stop between second and third.

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning.

"It's twenty to seven," she called.

"Yeah? Who's winning?"

A woman goes into a store to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line . . . It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do. I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That's until they throw me out of Applebees."
--Dave Letterman