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Newest Dirty Jokes

Here are our 15 Newest Funny Jokes. Be sure to rate as many of our Random Funny Jokes you can. We have many other categories that need rating too!


Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?

A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.



Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?

A: Her feet!



Question of the day...

If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be considered stoned off your ass?



Q: How do you break a blonde's nose?

A: Place a dildo under a glass table!



This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, "would you please press one?"

So I did.

I don't remember much after that...



REDHEADS ARE FAMOUS FOR THEIR TEMPERS AND UNPREDICTABILITY...HOW FAMOUS?

Redheads don't sleep...they wait.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3? A redhead.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, a redhead jumps out.

How sexy are redheads? A group of redheads once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.

Redheads put the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

A cobra bit a redhead. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

A redheads dog is trained to clean up its own poop, because a redhead refuses to take sh** off anyone!

If a redhead gives you the finger, she's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Death once had a near-redhead experience.

A redhead can have both feet on the ground and still kick your ass.

The only time a redhead was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.

A redheaded woman can make a paraplegic man run for his life...

Redheads don't have to use pick-up lines. They simply say, "Now."

Redheads don't play hide-and-seek. They play "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

A redheaded woman is so stubborn she can beat the sun at a staring competition.

A redhead is probably the reason Waldo is hiding.

There is no such thing as gay men - only men who haven't met a sexy redheaded woman.

When redheads run with scissors, others will get hurt.

A redhead gave Mona Lisa that smile...



You might be a redneck if...

your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can’t touch it ’til she’s 16



Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."



I got kicked out of my mathematics class one day.

The teacher asked me, "What comes after 69?"

Apparently "mouthwash" was the wrong answer!



Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock,
Cause Jill's real name was Randy!



Husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't piss me off and make me happy at the same time".

Wife replies, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's".



Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.



Q: How do you know if you are at a redneck’s wedding?

A: The bride keeps calling the groom daddy.



Chuck Norris climbed Mt. Everest barefoot - carrying two Sherpas on his back.



Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course?

A: The 19th hole.