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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

Chuck Norris is credited with the invention of bottled water.

Chuck Norris once fought Vin Diesel...and got absolutely fucked up.

Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.

Chuck Norris' hip breaking was heard across 12 states.

The origin of the name "Norris" is actually French. The translation of the word "Chuck" means homosexual.

Chuck Norris was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits."

Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Too bad Chuck Norris is a guy.

Chuck Norris had his penis surgically removed in order to make his roundhouse kicks higher.

Chuck Norris once had an affair with Ralph Macchio on the set of The Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris's favorite Mario Kart character is Princess Peach. Princess Peach's favorite "Walker, Texas Ranger" character is Jimmy Trivette.

Upon hitting puberty, Chuck Norris had a zit on his ass the size of a cantaloupe.

Chuck Norris gives better rimjobs than West Coast Customs.

When Chuck Norris uses Verizon Wireless, you can't hear him now.

Chuck Norris' hair is made from the stolen eyelashes of Cambodian orphans.

Chuck Norris didn't go to college, but his mom went to college!

Chuck Norris paid for a beer in a dirty glass with money out of his coin purse.

Chuck Norris is the driving force behind Chuck Norris facts. He has even been caught in public speaking in the third person.

Chuck Norris has been quoted as hitting on girls using the line, "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck got with YOU!"

Chuck Norris is the only person with no matches on eHarmony.com.

Chuck Norris once tried to enter an Ugly Contest and was told, "Sorry, no professionals."

When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.

Chuck Norris gives all his friends back, sack and crack waxes. But he is very gentle with them.

Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.

The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.

Chuck Norris has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.

Chuck Norris eats dirt because he thinks it is feces. He then takes a sip of gasoline and spits it out, complaining that it doesn't taste enough like urine.

The chief import of Chuck Norris is cock.

Chuck Norris manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors.

Chuck Norris' real name is Daniel Goldberg. He is ashamed of his Jewish heritage.

Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."

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