30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris's second most lethal art is face painting.
Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.
Osama Bin Laden told Chuck Norris about the 9/11 attacks on 9/10 in order to ensure that his plan would not be foiled.
Chuck Norris can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found.
When Chuck Norris was offered bread at a restaurant he replied, "No thank you, I'm watching my carbs."
For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.
Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris' catheter bag exploded and flooded one-third of the United States killing millions.
Chuck Norris once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.
Chuck Norris fears the Care Bears, especially No Heart.
In the year 1248, enraged villagers broke into Chuck Norris' castle with the intention of burning him at the stake. Chuck started crying like a little girl and the mob, feeling increasingly awkward, dispersed and agreed amongst themselves to never mention the incident again.
Chuck Norris is proud of the facts that his pubes are longer and girthier than his penis.
Chuck Norris didn't go to college, but his mom went to college!
The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count.
If Chuck Norris has fucked every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.
Chuck Norris cannot have hemorroids. Because he is a perfect asshole.
Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.
Chuck Norris listens to Fall Out Boy and cries.
Chuck Norris is so gay, when he got to Brokeback auditions he handed the other actors a 12" dildo pulled down his pants and asked who was first.
Chuck Norris quit his job working on Sesame Street after just 4 hours, claiming he was tired of "the intimidation, harassment and bullying."
Chuck Norris tattooed "No day butt today" on his ass, partly because of the pun, but mainly because he loves "Rent."
Chuck Norris fears no man! Only women.
Chuck Norris stayed in high school for 7 years until someone finally signed his yearbook.
Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop.
Chuck Norris pisses Zima.
Chuck Norris is credited with the invention of bottled water.
Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.