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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.



Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..."



Chuck Norris came up with the idea for his look after many years studying the Brawny paper towel man.



Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.



As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.



The Black Plague was caused by the fleas from Chuck Norris' beard


Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.



Chuck Norris scored an 8 on the "Are you a good boyfriend" quiz in Cosmo.



Chuck Norris would go straight if he could fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Too bad she is holding out to go straight for Tom Cruise, who is holding out to go gay for Heath Ledger.



During World War II Chuck Norris once tried killing a Nazi soldier by pointing his finger at him and yelling "Bang!"



Chuck Norris paid for a beer in a dirty glass with money out of his coin purse.



If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.



Chuck Norris always wears knee pads. When asked if they were for stunt purposes, Chuck Norris replied "sure."



Chuck Norris has the chorus to the song "Fly By Night" tattooed on the underside of his penis.



Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.



When Chuck Norris was offered bread at a restaurant he replied, "No thank you, I'm watching my carbs."



During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.



Chuck Norris throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I'm right-handed.



Chuck Norris came over for dinner once and raped me. It was the worst forced sex I have ever had.



On the set of the movie Sidekicks, Chuck Norris and Joe Piscopo had a real fight. The loser was declared to be humanity because they both lived.



Chuck Norris gave a thumbs up on "Dodgeball" because he thought William Shatner was asking him out.



Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one, because no one wanted to hear him pout about it again.



Osama Bin Laden told Chuck Norris about the 9/11 attacks on 9/10 in order to ensure that his plan would not be foiled.



In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger."



Chuck Norris once had sex with a woman, but his orgasm was so powerful it blew a hole threw her. Then he cried and tried to cuddle with her bleeding vagina.



Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.



Chuck Norris was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.



When asked who his favorite actor was, Chuck Norris replied, "Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they're manly right?!"



Chuck Norris lights mini-scented candles around the tub when he takes a bath.



Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request.



When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.




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