30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.
Chuck Norris checks his closet for Michael Jackson before he goes to bed. He is disappointed when he doesn't find him.
Chuck Norris gives all his friends back, sack and crack waxes. But he is very gentle with them.
Chuck Norris once walked into a gay bar because he wanted to. Another time, he walked into another gay bar. Now, it is a weekly habit.
Chuck Norris' recites a line from The Notebook as his finishing move in a scrapped version of Mortal Kombat.
Chuck Norris will ram his rod straight down the throat of anyone who calls him gay. He's just funny like that.
Chuck Norris' ejaculatory fluid is composed of 100% Noxema skin cream.
Chuck Norris is the only person with no matches on eHarmony.com.
Chuck Norris gave a thumbs up on "Dodgeball" because he thought William Shatner was asking him out.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors. Who knew so many people could die of laughter?
Chuck Norris once painted a portrait of himself. He only used 3 colors. Nobody said anything.
Chuck Norris always insists that he's joking when he sniggers in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.
Chuck Norris lights mini-scented candles around the tub when he takes a bath.
Chuck Norris is from Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas. Chuck Norris has no horns.
Osama Bin Laden told Chuck Norris about the 9/11 attacks on 9/10 in order to ensure that his plan would not be foiled.
Chuck Norris raped my dog. And then my youth. And then my dog again.
Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.
On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.
Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.
The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.
Chuck Norris wears biker shorts under his kilt.
Chuck Norris' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.
Chuck Norris has been quoted as hitting on girls using the line, "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck got with YOU!"
Chuck Norris didn't go to college, but his mom went to college!
Despite Chuck Norris' colored sidekick on "Walker, Texas Ranger," he is an adamant racist.
Chuck Norris would go straight if he could fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Too bad she is holding out to go straight for Tom Cruise, who is holding out to go gay for Heath Ledger.
Chuck Norris quit his job working on Sesame Street after just 4 hours, claiming he was tired of "the intimidation, harassment and bullying."
Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.
Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.