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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him.

Chuck Norris would go straight if he could fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Too bad she is holding out to go straight for Tom Cruise, who is holding out to go gay for Heath Ledger.

Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.

Chuck Norris' pick-up runs on sunshine and puppy's tears. Chuck Norris' truck never starts because "Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday."

Chuck Norris doesn't shave because he fears the razor.

The Black Plague was caused by the fleas from Chuck Norris' beard

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets terrified.

On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

Although Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is extremely effective, he has two right feet and can therefore only use it if his enemy is on his right. Stand on his left and Chuck Norris is as dangerous as Barney the Dinosaur's yellow friend.

Every time Chuck Norris curls his bicep, an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..."

Chuck Norris pisses Zima.

Chuck Norris once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.

Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one, because no one wanted to hear him pout about it again.

Chuck Norris raped my dog. And then my youth. And then my dog again.

Chuck Norris lights mini-scented candles around the tub when he takes a bath.

Chuck Norris always wears knee pads. When asked if they were for stunt purposes, Chuck Norris replied "sure."

In The Way of the Dragon, Chuck Norris's ass-kicking at the hands of Bruce Lee isn't all staged. During one especially close exchange, Chuck Norris attempted to cop a feel, which Mr. Lee did not appreciate. The subsequent scene was left in "for the sake of reality."

Chuck Norris cuts the roof of his mouth when he eats Cap'n Crunch.

Chuck Norris came over for dinner once and raped me. It was the worst forced sex I have ever had.

Chuck Norris is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass.

Despite Chuck Norris' colored sidekick on "Walker, Texas Ranger," he is an adamant racist.

Chuck Norris majored in liberal arts. It was his first choice.

A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris had his penis surgically removed in order to make his roundhouse kicks higher.

In the year 1248, enraged villagers broke into Chuck Norris' castle with the intention of burning him at the stake. Chuck started crying like a little girl and the mob, feeling increasingly awkward, dispersed and agreed amongst themselves to never mention the incident again.

Chuck Norris' hair is made from the stolen eyelashes of Cambodian orphans.

Chuck Norris spilled his milk when he was 30. He still cries over it.

Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."

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