30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

Chuck Norris once had an affair with Ralph Macchio on the set of The Karate Kid.

The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count.

Chuck Norris is the only person with no matches on eHarmony.com.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Steven Segal once took a Total Gym and rammed it up Chuck Norris' ass. Sideways. Chuck Norris never flinched.

If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."

Chuck Norris' hip breaking was heard across 12 states.

Chuck Norris's second most lethal art is face painting.

"Brokeback Mountain" is based loosely on the events of Chuck Norris' life.

Many stuntmen who have worked with Chuck Norris complain on set that Chuck Norris makes far too many so-called jokes about "exchanging blows."

Chuck Norris has to wear a helmet to every meal, not because he is special, but because Christie Brinkley loses her temper when the airplane is not allowed to land.

Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.

Ronald Reagan didn't have the heart to tell Chuck Norris that his acting in "Walker, Texas Ranger" was forgettable, so Ronald Reagan just told the world that he had Alzheimer's.

Chuck Norris has a summer home on "Brokeback Mountain."

Chuck Norris was seen running out of Jenny Craig crying because his strict diet of Tony Danza's spunk didn't work.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave because he fears the razor.

Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.

Chuck Norris was once arrested in a small Midwestern town for public indecency. During his four-hour stay in the local jail, he was made the bitch to a pre-op transsexual named Phil.

Chuck Norris once sent himself flowers on Valentine's Day to trick people into thinking he had a girlfriend. Too bad he signed the card, "From Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris was in fact in a television show called "Walker, Texas Ranger."

Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.

A Chinaman once told Chuck Norris that his penis was too small during a karate tournament. A CHINAMAN.

Chuck Norris is a chronic self-deprecating masturbator.

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.

Every time Chuck Norris curls his bicep, an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits."

Chuck Norris IS, "Walker, Texas Power Ranger."

Chuck Norris' hair is made from the stolen eyelashes of Cambodian orphans.

If Chuck Norris has fucked every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.