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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Best Jokes   Anti-Chuck Norris Facts



Ronald Reagan didn't have the heart to tell Chuck Norris that his acting in "Walker, Texas Ranger" was forgettable, so Ronald Reagan just told the world that he had Alzheimer's.



Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.



On the set of the movie Sidekicks, Chuck Norris and Joe Piscopo had a real fight. The loser was declared to be humanity because they both lived.



Chuck Norris once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie.



Chuck Norris' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.



Chuck Norris was once the subject of a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" bukkake. The tears of joy he wept reanimated both Jean Cocteau, who filmed the event, and Oscar Wilde, who made snide comments about Norris' masculinity.



Chuck Norris throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I'm right-handed.



Chuck Norris is the only man who can enter a strip club with $500 and leave with $500.



Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.



Chuck Norris started the "Chuck Norris Facts" in hopes of finding a new love. Upon finding out the majority of fans using the facts were guys, Chuck Norris wept with joy.



Uncle Jesse's mullet once won a knife fight against Chuck Norris. Uncle Jesse's mullet didn't have a knife.



Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.



Chuck Norris cuts the roof of his mouth when he eats Cap'n Crunch.



Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.



As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.



Chuck Norris gets carded for PG-13 movies, including his own.



Chuck Norris goes to bars and slips roofies into his own dirty martinis in hopes of getting picked up.



Jesus willfully crucified himself because he had insider information that Chuck Norris was going to be around in the future. Jesus did this not in fear of Chuck Norris himself, but in fear of Chuck Norris' acting.



When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it is not because he has run out of women. It is because he was born that way. It wasn't his choice.



Many stuntmen who have worked with Chuck Norris complain on set that Chuck Norris makes far too many so-called jokes about "exchanging blows."



Chuck Norris once had sex with a woman, but his orgasm was so powerful it blew a hole threw her. Then he cried and tried to cuddle with her bleeding vagina.



Chuck Norris majored in liberal arts. It was his first choice.



Chuck Norris once shook my hand. It felt like I was holding on to 5 wet noodles of spaghetti.



Chuck Norris was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits."



Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.



Chuck Norris's favorite Mario Kart character is Princess Peach. Princess Peach's favorite "Walker, Texas Ranger" character is Jimmy Trivette.



Chuck Norris' favorite color is lavender.



After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy.



Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.



Richard Simmons once told Chuck Norris to quit acting like such a fag.




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