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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Best Jokes   Anti-Chuck Norris Facts



Chuck Norris doesn't shave because he fears the razor.



Chuck Norris is so gay he is Coldplays groupy


Chuck Norris's favorite Mario Kart character is Princess Peach. Princess Peach's favorite "Walker, Texas Ranger" character is Jimmy Trivette.



Chuck Norris throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I'm right-handed.



Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..."



Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.



Every time Chuck Norris curls his bicep, an angel gets its wings.



Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.



Chuck Norris will ram his rod straight down the throat of anyone who calls him gay. He's just funny like that.



Chuck Norris goes to bars and slips roofies into his own dirty martinis in hopes of getting picked up.



It is no happy coincidence that Chuck Norris and LaToya Jackson have never appeared in public together.



Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.



Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he's really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.



Chuck Norris manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors.



Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.



Chuck Norris gets carded for PG-13 movies, including his own.



On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.



Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.



A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.



The Black Plague was caused by the fleas from Chuck Norris' beard


Chuck Norris orders the "side salad with low-fat dressing" at a BBQ joint.



Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.



Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors. Who knew so many people could die of laughter?



On January 12, 1995 Chuck Norris shaved his beard. On January 13, 1995 Chuck Norris filed a missing person claim on himself.



As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.



Many stuntmen who have worked with Chuck Norris complain on set that Chuck Norris makes far too many so-called jokes about "exchanging blows."



Chuck Norris wrote the Bible. Nice one, Chuck.



Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.



Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.



Chuck Norris' poo is pure roughage.




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