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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Best Jokes   Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris pisses Zima.

Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."

Chuck Norris' hip breaking was heard across 12 states.

Chuck Norris fears no man! Only women.

Chuck Norris once was at the theater watching Crossroads, when someone spotted him sending the following text message to someone: "Count me in on the gay clown orgy."

Chuck Norris's second most lethal art is face painting.

Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Too bad Chuck Norris is a guy.

Chuck Norris IS, "Walker, Texas Power Ranger."

Chuck Norris has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.

Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.

The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.

When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many sex scenes?"

Chuck Norris has guest directed four episodes of Will and Grace. Before each episode, Chuck Norris requested that Grace be replaced by his friend, "Peter."

Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.

Chuck Norris adopted a young black child so he could test out his racist jokes first.

Chuck Norris once had an affair with Ralph Macchio on the set of The Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.

Chuck Norris is credited with the invention of bottled water.

Chuck Norris' adult diaper is made to withhold 2,000 lbs of pressure per square inch. It breaks on a regular basis.

Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.

When asked who his favorite actor was, Chuck Norris replied, "Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they're manly right?!"

Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.

Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook.

A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.

Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Chuck Norris can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research.

Chuck Norris once painted a portrait of himself. He only used 3 colors. Nobody said anything.

Chuck Norris once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.

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