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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Best Jokes   Anti-Chuck Norris Facts



Chuck Norris doesn't like fat chicks. He loves them.



Chuck Norris was once spit on by a camel. Chuck Norris then broke out in anger, singing "My Humps" at the top of his lungs to regain his dignity.



No matter how many fortune cookies Chuck Norris opens, they always say "Fight like a girl."



Chuck Norris has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.



Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.



In The Way of the Dragon, Chuck Norris's ass-kicking at the hands of Bruce Lee isn't all staged. During one especially close exchange, Chuck Norris attempted to cop a feel, which Mr. Lee did not appreciate. The subsequent scene was left in "for the sake of reality."



In the year 1248, enraged villagers broke into Chuck Norris' castle with the intention of burning him at the stake. Chuck started crying like a little girl and the mob, feeling increasingly awkward, dispersed and agreed amongst themselves to never mention the incident again.



Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook.



Chuck Norris once walked into a gay bar because he wanted to. Another time, he walked into another gay bar. Now, it is a weekly habit.



Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.



Chuck Norris, on the set of Sidekicks, asked Jonathan Brandis to tone down his acting skills so that Chuck Norris wouldn't look so bad. Chuck Norris used the third person in an attempt to trick Jonathan Brandis into thinking the request was not at the behest of Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.



Chuck Norris, realizing he his career is going down the tube, drowns himself in a gallon of ice cream which is promptly melted by his warm, salty tears.



Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.



Chuck Norris is the only person whom the Axe Effect Deodorant Spray will not work on.



Chuck Norris wrote the Bible. Nice one, Chuck.



Chuck Norris' catheter bag exploded and flooded one-third of the United States killing millions.



Chuck Norris has 11 scrapbooks full of "Love Is" cartoons.



Chuck Norris gave a thumbs up on "Dodgeball" because he thought William Shatner was asking him out.



Chuck Norris is the only man who can enter a strip club with $500 and leave with $500.



Chuck Norris' poo is pure roughage.



When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.



Chuck Norris was once the subject of a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" bukkake. The tears of joy he wept reanimated both Jean Cocteau, who filmed the event, and Oscar Wilde, who made snide comments about Norris' masculinity.



Chuck Norris tattooed "No day butt today" on his ass, partly because of the pun, but mainly because he loves "Rent."



Chuck Norris is credited with the invention of bottled water.



Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.



Chuck Norris eats dirt because he thinks it is feces. He then takes a sip of gasoline and spits it out, complaining that it doesn't taste enough like urine.



Chuck Norris's penis has master envy.



If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be...oh wait.




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