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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Best Jokes   Anti-Chuck Norris Facts



Chuck Norris once shook my hand. It felt like I was holding on to 5 wet noodles of spaghetti.



In the year 1248, enraged villagers broke into Chuck Norris' castle with the intention of burning him at the stake. Chuck started crying like a little girl and the mob, feeling increasingly awkward, dispersed and agreed amongst themselves to never mention the incident again.



Chuck Norris checks his closet for Michael Jackson before he goes to bed. He is disappointed when he doesn't find him.



Chuck Norris fears no man! Only women.



On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.



Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop.



Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."



During the initial filming of Dodgeball, Chuck Norris gave a thumbs down to continuing the match because he's a big fan of the Purple Cobra.



Chuck Norris won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft.



Chuck Norris spilled his milk when he was 30. He still cries over it.



If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.



Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.



Chuck Norris always insists that he's joking when he sniggers in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.



Chuck Norris vs. Jay Leno: Chuck Norris - no lips, no chin. Jay Leno - no lips. Jay Leno by a chin.



Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.



Chuck Norris' adult diaper is made to withhold 2,000 lbs of pressure per square inch. It breaks on a regular basis.



Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.



In The Way of the Dragon, Chuck Norris's ass-kicking at the hands of Bruce Lee isn't all staged. During one especially close exchange, Chuck Norris attempted to cop a feel, which Mr. Lee did not appreciate. The subsequent scene was left in "for the sake of reality."



Chuck Norris found this page and said, "Shit! I guess my unfounded and unearned popularity is over." He spent the next four hours lying face down on his silk duvet cover crying into a down pillow. Anything less wouldn't have provided enough comfort.



Chuck Norris once went into a bar and was heard saying, "I'll have a Mike's Hard Lemonade."



Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.



Chuck Norris bet on Duke to win the National Championship. IN FOOTBALL.



Chuck Norris manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors.



Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he's really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.



Many stuntmen who have worked with Chuck Norris complain on set that Chuck Norris makes far too many so-called jokes about "exchanging blows."



Chuck Norris once walked into a gay bar because he wanted to. Another time, he walked into another gay bar. Now, it is a weekly habit.



Chuck Norris once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man come in his mouth, that was because he was gay.



As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.



Chuck Norris' ejaculatory fluid is composed of 100% Noxema skin cream.



When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.




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