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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
Check our our Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts as rated by YOU, our users. Rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Facts.

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Best Jokes   Anti-Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris was the studio's original choice to play Brandon Teena in the movie, "Boys Don't Cry." Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.

Chuck Norris once heard a women screaming while being raped in a dark alley. When Chuck Norris approached, he gave the women a roundhouse kick to jaw so she would shut the fuck up.

Chuck Norris listens to Fall Out Boy and cries.

Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.

Chuck Norris lost custody of his children in an arm wrestling match with Bea Arthur.

In The Way of the Dragon, Chuck Norris's ass-kicking at the hands of Bruce Lee isn't all staged. During one especially close exchange, Chuck Norris attempted to cop a feel, which Mr. Lee did not appreciate. The subsequent scene was left in "for the sake of reality."

Chuck Norris uses 5 tampons a day. The heavy-duty kind.

Chuck Norris checks his closet for Michael Jackson before he goes to bed. He is disappointed when he doesn't find him.

Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race.

Osama Bin Laden told Chuck Norris about the 9/11 attacks on 9/10 in order to ensure that his plan would not be foiled.

Chuck Norris' wife was heard howling with laughter throughout the hotel on their honeymoon.

Upon hitting puberty, Chuck Norris had a zit on his ass the size of a cantaloupe.

Chuck Norris had his penis surgically removed in order to make his roundhouse kicks higher.

Chuck Norris puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.

Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.

Chuck Norris is a chronic self-deprecating masturbator.

Chuck Norris was in the Hitler Youth.

After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy.

Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request.

Ronald Reagan didn't have the heart to tell Chuck Norris that his acting in "Walker, Texas Ranger" was forgettable, so Ronald Reagan just told the world that he had Alzheimer's.

Chuck Norris once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming "I'm too young to die!" the whole way.

Chuck Norris was once a female East German shot-putter named Berta Schultz. She was laughed off the team for throwing like a girl. Several operations later, Berta became Chuck. S/he lives with that shame every day.

Chuck Norris has to wear a helmet to every meal, not because he is special, but because Christie Brinkley loses her temper when the airplane is not allowed to land.

Chuck Norris was once arrested in a small Midwestern town for public indecency. During his four-hour stay in the local jail, he was made the bitch to a pre-op transsexual named Phil.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave because he fears the razor.

Chuck Norris didn't really tell Admiral Akbar about the trap.

Chuck Norris is Jesus to mindless, trend-loving Americans. He even turns water into wine coolers.

Chuck Norris was once the subject of a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" bukkake. The tears of joy he wept reanimated both Jean Cocteau, who filmed the event, and Oscar Wilde, who made snide comments about Norris' masculinity.

Chuck Norris gives better rimjobs than West Coast Customs.

Chuck Norris once tried to enter an Ugly Contest and was told, "Sorry, no professionals."

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