30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
In a tag team match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly was because they heard Chuck Norris was coming.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other bad asses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme bad ass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem - it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
What happens when Chuck Norris gets hit by a truck? Chuck Norris doesn't get run over, the truck gets chucked-over!
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rules of fighting:
1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.