30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Chuck Norris
Bruce Springsteen was "born to run"... away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes water walk on Jesus
Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Chuck Norris can burn ants with a magnifying glass.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris doesn't make left turns because everything he does is right
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Chuck Norris makes everything magically delicious.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Chuck Norris' favorite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.