30 Random Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Three guys are sitting in a bar, an Italian, a Frenchman, and Chuck Norris. As the Italian and Frenchman discuss their love lives, Chuck can't help but overhear.
The Italian says, "Last night I made love to my wife and this morning she said she loved me more than ever." Chuck gives a quiet laugh.
The Frenchman says, "That's nothin', last night, I made love to my wife and this morning she told me I was the best she's ever had." Chuck gives another laugh.
Seeing this, the two men ask him who he is. Chuck responds, "I'm Chuck Norris." The men then ask if he made love to his wife last night. Chuck replies with a Yes. Then the men ask what she said to him this morning.
She said, "Don't stop."
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris once shot a 33 on a 36-hole golf course.
Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris. The End.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Jack can be nimble, and Jack can be quick, but Jack can't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.