30 Random Chuck Norris Facts30 Random Chuck Norris Facts Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women. "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy! Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes. Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary. Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. Chuck Norris pees acid. Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is "The best a man can get" It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down. Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales. |
