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30 Random Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
You can also see the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Chuck Norris Facts?

Current Joke Rating: 2.86

Chuck Norris can kick down a revolving door

Current Joke Rating: 2.48

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Current Joke Rating: 2.92

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Current Joke Rating: 2.99

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Current Joke Rating: 3.21

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Current Joke Rating: 3

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Current Joke Rating: 3.23

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

Current Joke Rating: 3.18

The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

Current Joke Rating: 2.95

Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris... the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

Current Joke Rating: 3.48

Bigfoot often tries to take pictures of Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 2.98

Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII single-handedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

Current Joke Rating: 3

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Current Joke Rating: 3.31

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris can clog the toilet with his pee.

Current Joke Rating: 2.96

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Current Joke Rating: 2.62

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Current Joke Rating: 3.39

Chuck Norris once made a crippled man run away.

Current Joke Rating: 2.94

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Current Joke Rating: 2.59

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

Current Joke Rating: 3.23

Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

Current Joke Rating: 2.85

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Current Joke Rating: 3.07

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bull riding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Current Joke Rating: 3.04

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

Current Joke Rating: 2.84

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.

Current Joke Rating: 2.94

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Current Joke Rating: 2.9

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.