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30 Random Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
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Current Joke Rating: 2.65

Chuck Norris's Beard has its own ZIP Code.

Current Joke Rating: 2.74

Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.

Current Joke Rating: 3.18

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Current Joke Rating: 3.12

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

Current Joke Rating: 2.79

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

Current Joke Rating: 3.44

The only man Google can't find is Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.04

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Current Joke Rating: 3.22

Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Current Joke Rating: 2.97

Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.

Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Current Joke Rating: 3.01

Chuck Norris doesn't chop his grass he dares it to grow!!

Current Joke Rating: 2.98

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

Current Joke Rating: 3.58

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.02

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Current Joke Rating: 2.52

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Current Joke Rating: 3.35

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Current Joke Rating: 3.06

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

Current Joke Rating: 3.04

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

Current Joke Rating: 3.11

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.18

Earth's emergency defense plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Current Joke Rating: 2.75

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Current Joke Rating: 2.78

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

Current Joke Rating: 2.81

Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

Current Joke Rating: 1.97

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Current Joke Rating: 3.04

Chuck Norris can breathe underwater... water wouldn't dare to take oxygen from Chuck Norris

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Current Joke Rating: 3.24

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.