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30 Random Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
You can also see the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Chuck Norris Facts?


Current Joke Rating: 2.76

Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.



Current Joke Rating: 2.8

Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.



Current Joke Rating: 3.59

Chuck Norris can stick a CD up his ass and burn data onto it



Current Joke Rating: 3.13

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.



Current Joke Rating: 3.25

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.



Current Joke Rating: 3.05

Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.



Current Joke Rating: 3.09

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."



Current Joke Rating: 2.79

Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.



Current Joke Rating: 3.6

Chuck Norris can read lips- with his eyes closed.



Current Joke Rating: 3.17

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.



Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.



Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.



Current Joke Rating: 3.1

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.



Current Joke Rating: 2.65

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.



Current Joke Rating: 3.09

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.



Current Joke Rating: 3.37

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.



Current Joke Rating: 3.09

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.



Current Joke Rating: 3.27

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.



Current Joke Rating: 3.32

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.



Current Joke Rating: 2.38

Guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.



Current Joke Rating: 3.31

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.



Current Joke Rating: 3.17

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.



Current Joke Rating: 3

The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.



Current Joke Rating: 2.94

Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree black belt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.



Current Joke Rating: 2.9

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.



Current Joke Rating: 3.16

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.



Current Joke Rating: 3.18

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.



Current Joke Rating: 1.94

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.



Current Joke Rating: 3.12

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.



Current Joke Rating: 3.27

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.