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30 Random Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
You can also see the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Chuck Norris Facts?

Current Joke Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris makes everything magically delicious.

Current Joke Rating: 2.94

Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.

Current Joke Rating: 2.79

The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.

Current Joke Rating: 3.32

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

Chuck Norris can round house kick trees and turn them into furniture

Current Joke Rating: 3.21

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

Current Joke Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.

Current Joke Rating: 3.27

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Current Joke Rating: 3.08

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Current Joke Rating: 3.55

Chuck Norris taught the creator of the piano how to play it.

Current Joke Rating: 3.31

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.93

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.

Current Joke Rating: 2.92

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Current Joke Rating: 2.82

Medusa looked at Chuck Norris and she turned to stone.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Current Joke Rating: 2.65

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Current Joke Rating: 3.25

Moses didn't separate the red sea, Chuck Norris did.

Current Joke Rating: 2.8

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Current Joke Rating: 2.99

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Current Joke Rating: 2.92

How many Chuck Norris’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The light bulb would screw itself in out of fear.

Current Joke Rating: 3.08

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Current Joke Rating: 3.15

The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.

Current Joke Rating: 3.47

Elvis never died, he just owes Chuck Norris Money!

Current Joke Rating: 2.86

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

Current Joke Rating: 2.98

Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Current Joke Rating: 2.97

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

Current Joke Rating: 3.02

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 2.81

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

Current Joke Rating: 2.72

Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.

Current Joke Rating: 3.08

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.