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30 Random Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Chuck Norris Facts.
You can also see the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Chuck Norris Facts?

Current Joke Rating: 3.07

Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.

Current Joke Rating: 2.94

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Current Joke Rating: 3.3

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

Current Joke Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

Current Joke Rating: 3.17

The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.43

Elvis never died, he just owes Chuck Norris Money!

Current Joke Rating: 2.96

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Current Joke Rating: 3.27

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Current Joke Rating: 3.53

Chuck Norris sells his urine...Of course we all know it as Red Bull.

Current Joke Rating: 3.18

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

Chuck Norris was not born. He simply 'is'.

Current Joke Rating: 3.37

In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly was because they heard Chuck Norris was coming.

Current Joke Rating: 3.11

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

Current Joke Rating: 3.09

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Current Joke Rating: 3.13

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.17

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Current Joke Rating: 2.94

Milk never expires for Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 2.95

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Current Joke Rating: 3.44

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He doesn't have to. He dares it to grow.

Current Joke Rating: 2.42

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

Current Joke Rating: 3.01

In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.

Current Joke Rating: 2.88

Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Current Joke Rating: 2.92

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

Current Joke Rating: 2.89

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Current Joke Rating: 2.69

Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

Current Joke Rating: 2.94

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

Current Joke Rating: 3.15

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Current Joke Rating: 3.09

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."