Newest Jokes

Added on Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

Q: What do gays do on a second date??

A: What second date??

Added on Thursday, February 2nd, 2012     Submitted by: SashafromRussia

An ACORN employee in Philadelphia goes to jail for Voter fraud. They put him in a cell with a three hundred pound guy thick as a tree trunk with a shaved head and prison tattoos. Having heard what happens to new guys in prison and being nervous, he figures he had better introduce himself. He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, "Hi my name is Jack Hawkins."

The big guy extends his hand and says by way of introduction, "Turner Brown." Little Jack Hawkins passes out. The big guy puts him on a bunk and waits for him to come to.

"Why did you pass out?" the huge convict asked.

Hawkins replies, "What did you say your name was?"

"Turner Brown," he replies.

"Oh God," little Jack said. "I thought you said 'TURN AROUND'."

Added on Thursday, February 2nd, 2012     Submitted by: SashafromRussia

The California Highway Patrol Officer pulls over to the shoulder behind the blonde driver in obvious distress. What isn't obvious is why her two blonde passengers are lifting their tops and baring their breasts to passing motorists who respond by slowing down, honking their horns and yelling encouragement out the windows, creating a traffic nightmare on one of Los Angeles's busiest freeways.

"What the hell is going on here?" the officer demands.

"Well, duh, I've got a flat tire," the blonde responds.

Sputtering, the officer gestures at her passengers. "No, no...I mean what are they doing?"

"Well, duh." the blonde driver explains like its the most obvious thing in the world. "They are my emergency flashers."

Added on Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

Q: How long does it take for a woman to orgasm?

A: Who cares?

Added on Wednesday, February 1st, 2012     Submitted by: Sasha From Russia

On a Houston street:
- Say, dude, how do I get to the hospital from here?
- You say something bad about Texas, motherfucker ...