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Random 24 Jack Bauer Facts

Random 24 Jack Bauer Facts.
Check out our Top 30 Jack Bauer Facts as rated by our users.
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Current Joke Rating: 3.21

Jack Bauer wanted a pet, so he borrowed Seigfried and Roy's.

Current Joke Rating: 3.43

If Jack Bauer could bring anyone to life (maybe David Palmer, Terry Bauer, Michelle Desler), he would bring Nina Myers so he could kill her again.

Current Joke Rating: 3.28

Jack Bauer doesn't need to "establish a perimeter", he is the perimeter.

Current Joke Rating: 2.76

Jack Bauer doesn't get mad. He gets even. Actually that's not true, he does get mad, but the ratio between the two is so obscenely disproportionate that it pretty much comes down to the same thing.

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

In grade school, a little boy punched Kimberly Bauer, and Kimberly ran home to tell her dad. That little boy's name? Stephen Hawking.

Current Joke Rating: 3.14

Jack Bauer isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Jack Bauer.

Current Joke Rating: 2.36

When Kim Bauer killed her first terrorist, Jack Bauer shed a single tear. The tear was so salty that it caused eleven other terrorists in the nearby region to have a stroke. They died instantly.

Current Joke Rating: 2.97

Mulder and Scully left the X-Files too soon. They would've realized that the truth is Jack Bauer.

Current Joke Rating: 2.76

When Jack Bauer enters a church, the choir stops what they're doing and sings "Hallelujah." Every time.

Current Joke Rating: 3.01

Jack Bauer thinks it's cute when David Banner says "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry". You wouldn't have the opportunity to not like Jack Bauer when he is angry, you'd be dead.

Current Joke Rating: 2.69

The only reason the energizer bunny keeps going and going is because Jack Bauer is on its tail.

Current Joke Rating: 3.11

Jack Bauer always hits above 16 in Blackjack.

Current Joke Rating: 3

Jack Bauer lied to the devil and got away with it - we now celebrate this occasion as Easter.

Current Joke Rating: 2.84

Jack Bauer can find the square root of -1.

Current Joke Rating: 2.77

While running through a California desert ten years ago, Jack Bauer cut himself and a single drop of blood fell to the ground. Today they call that desert the Redwood National Forest.

Current Joke Rating: 2.47

When Jack Bauer was a young catholic boy, he molested the priest.

Current Joke Rating: 2.89

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Current Joke Rating: 3.38

Jack Bauer once fingered 3 girls... with 2 hands

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

When Tony Montana said, 'Say Hello to my little friend,' he was talking about Jack Bauer.

Current Joke Rating: 2.68

Hitler killed himself only after he learned that Jack Bauer was coming after him.

Current Joke Rating: 2.84

You know Jesus is really mad at you when he says "Jack Damnit!"

Current Joke Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer is right behind you. By the time you turn around, he'll be in hiding.

Current Joke Rating: 3.05

Daylight savings time was created to give Jack Bauer an extra hour one day a year with which to kill terrorists

Current Joke Rating: 2.76

Jack Bauer doesn't hide and go seek. He seeks and destroys.