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Top 30 Best Jack Bauer Jokes

Today's Top 30 Best Jack Bauer Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.63

Henderson's men actually took cover behind a water tank. Unfortunately, when Jack Bauer wants an explosion, water turns into natural gas.

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Current Rating: 3.6

In God we trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer.

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Current Rating: 3.58

All Video games now feature four difficulty levels: Easy, Normal, Hard, and Jack Bauer...No one has ever beaten the game on Jack Bauer.

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Current Rating: 3.57

Jack Bauer's death was not staged. Jack came back to life after Satan was too scared to let him into Hell.

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Current Rating: 3.56

If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.

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Current Rating: 3.56

Roosters crow in the morning after Jack Bauer wakes them.

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Current Rating: 3.55

Jack Bauer knows "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days". He kills them.

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Current Rating: 3.54

Jack Bauer uses #1 pencils on standardized tests.... Jack Bauer doesn't associate with anything that is #2.

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Current Rating: 3.54

Bedbugs tell their kids not to let Jack Bauer bite when they put them to bed.

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Current Rating: 3.53

The game known as Jacks was actually named Pick Em Up until Jack Bauer picked up all the pieces, disarmed a bomb, and killed 10 terrorist in one turn.

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Current Rating: 3.52

Jack Bauer can tell a book by its cover.

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Current Rating: 3.52

Jack Bauer picks up women by telling them, "You've read my file... you know what I am capable of."

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Current Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."

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Current Rating: 3.5

God didn't rest on the 7th day of Creation. He created Jack Bauer.

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Current Rating: 3.49

If you're Jack Bauer's boss, you probably won't be when the day is over.

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Current Rating: 3.49

In the event of a crash your corpse doubles as Jack Bauers flotation device.

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Current Rating: 3.49

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

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Current Rating: 3.47

Jack Bauer is the only guy who can get away with killing his girlfriend's ex-husband and still have her fall for him.

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Current Rating: 3.47

Jack never played hide and seek as a child. Instead he played seek and afflict pain on whoever he needed to in order to get the information he wanted. Jack still enjoys rousing rounds of this game and remains undefeated.

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Current Rating: 3.47

Jack Bauer once ate Fruit Loops and was told to follow his nose. He ended up finding 40 terrorists in an abandoned warehouse.

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Current Rating: 3.45

If you're a passenger in the car that Jack Bauer is driving and he gets a call from the President, ask to be let out at the corner. Somebody is going to die.

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Current Rating: 3.45

In school, kids refused to play hide and seek with Jack Bauer, because when Jack found them, he tortured each one of his classmates till they give all possible locations to hide.

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Current Rating: 3.45

There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.

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Current Rating: 3.44

Jack Bauer can come up with a word that rhymes with "purpose".

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Current Rating: 3.44

James Bond committed suicide once he realized he had the same initials as Jack Bauer. He took the easy way out.

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Current Rating: 3.44

When Jack Bauer tells you to jump, you don't ask "How High?" You ask, "When can I come down?"

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Current Rating: 3.44

A policeman once pulled over Jack Bauer. Upon realizing his mistake the cop promptly arrested himself. Jack then shot him in the face anyways.

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Current Rating: 3.44

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who fear Jack Bauer, and those who are Jack Bauer.

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Current Rating: 3.43

Jack Bauer is not the second coming of Jesus Christ... Jesus Christ was the first coming of Jack Bauer.

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Current Rating: 3.43

If Jack Bauer could bring anyone to life (maybe David Palmer, Terry Bauer, Michelle Desler), he would bring Nina Myers so he could kill her again.

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