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Top 30 Best Jack Bauer Jokes

Today's Top 30 Best Jack Bauer Jokes according to the votes of our surfers. Don't agree with these? Then rate all the Random Jack Bauer Jokes you can. We have many other categories that need rating too!


Current Rating: 3.69

God didn't rest on the 7th day of Creation. He created Jack Bauer.



Current Rating: 3.64

James Bond committed suicide once he realized he had the same initials as Jack Bauer. He took the easy way out.



Current Rating: 3.63

Henderson's men actually took cover behind a water tank. Unfortunately, when Jack Bauer wants an explosion, water turns into natural gas.



Current Rating: 3.62

Jack Bauer tried to order breakfast at McDonalds once. When he was told by a McDonalds assosiate that they don't serve breakfast after 11am, he grabbed the assosiate, shot him in the leg, and asked him: "What is your primary objective?"



Current Rating: 3.61

In God we trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer.



Current Rating: 3.61

All Video games now feature four difficulty levels: Easy, Normal, Hard, and Jack Bauer...No one has ever beaten the game on Jack Bauer.



Current Rating: 3.6

The game known as Jacks was actually named Pick Em Up until Jack Bauer picked up all the pieces, disarmed a bomb, and killed 10 terrorist in one turn.



Current Rating: 3.6

The reason why Jack Bauer whispers all the time, is because he has not had a glass of water for 8 seasons.



Current Rating: 3.58

The film The Rock is loosely based on events from Jack Bauer's summer vacation.



Current Rating: 3.56

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.



Current Rating: 3.55

Jack Bauer uses #1 pencils on standardized tests.... Jack Bauer doesn't associate with anything that is #2.



Current Rating: 3.54

Jack Bauer is right behind you. By the time you turn around, he'll be in hiding.



Current Rating: 3.54

If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.



Current Rating: 3.53

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.



Current Rating: 3.53

If you're Jack Bauer's boss, you probably won't be when the day is over.



Current Rating: 3.53

Jack Bauer picks up women by telling them, "You've read my file... you know what I am capable of."



Current Rating: 3.51

In school, kids refused to play hide and seek with Jack Bauer, because when Jack found them, he tortured each one of his classmates till they give all possible locations to hide.



Current Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer can tell a book by its cover.



Current Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer doesn't sleep, because sleep is the cousin of death.



Current Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer is such a bad ass that as a Boy Scout he earned all his merit badges in one day.



Current Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."



Current Rating: 3.5

A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Jack Bauer never heard this before. He ate all three birds.



Current Rating: 3.5

Jack Bauer's mornings usually start with a trip down his slip-and-slide lined with razor blades followed by a dip in a his pool filled with rubbing alcohol. He likes to dry off with a towel made from sandpaper.



Current Rating: 3.48

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.



Current Rating: 3.48

Jack Bauer once ate Fruit Loops and was told to follow his nose. He ended up finding 40 terrorists in an abandoned warehouse.



Current Rating: 3.47

Jack Bauer is the only guy who can get away with killing his girlfriend's ex-husband and still have her fall for him.



Current Rating: 3.47

If you're a passenger in the car that Jack Bauer is driving and he gets a call from the President, ask to be let out at the corner. Somebody is going to die.



Current Rating: 3.46

Upon being slapped by the doctor after being born, the first words out of Jack Bauer's mouth were "son of a bitch."



Current Rating: 3.46

Jack never played hide and seek as a child. Instead he played seek and afflict pain on whoever he needed to in order to get the information he wanted. Jack still enjoys rousing rounds of this game and remains undefeated.



Current Rating: 3.44

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who fear Jack Bauer, and those who are Jack Bauer.