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Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes

Today's Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.93

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.



Current Rating: 3.81

Chuck Norris once shot a 33 on a 36-hole golf course.



Current Rating: 3.78

Viagra and Cialis are made from Chuck Norris' DNA.



Current Rating: 3.76

A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.



Current Rating: 3.75

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.



Current Rating: 3.71

The only man Google can't find is Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.71

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from anyone.



Current Rating: 3.68

Chuck Norris sells his urine...Of course we all know it as Red Bull.



Current Rating: 3.67

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience



Current Rating: 3.62

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.61

Chuck Norris can stick a CD up his ass and burn data onto it



Current Rating: 3.61

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was too easy.



Current Rating: 3.59

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He doesn't have to. He dares it to grow.



Current Rating: 3.59

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.



Current Rating: 3.58

Bigfoot often tries to take pictures of Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.58

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.



Current Rating: 3.56

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to beat a concrete wall in a game of tennis.



Current Rating: 3.55

Chuck Norris taught the creator of the piano how to play it.



Current Rating: 3.51

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.



Current Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.



Current Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris DOESN'T love Raymond.



Current Rating: 3.47

Elvis never died, he just owes Chuck Norris Money!



Current Rating: 3.47

If you are stuck on a test and you don't know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris. The answer is always Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.45

Chuck Norris carved Mount Rushmore. With his feet.



Current Rating: 3.45

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.45

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.



Current Rating: 3.43

Chuck Norris once leaned on the Tower of Pisa...



Current Rating: 3.43

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.



Current Rating: 3.42

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.