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Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes

Today's Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.89

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.

Current Rating: 3.78

Viagra and Cialis are made from Chuck Norris' DNA.

Current Rating: 3.76

A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.

Current Rating: 3.71

The only man Google can't find is Chuck Norris.

Current Rating: 3.69

Chuck Norris once shot a 33 on a 36-hole golf course.

Current Rating: 3.68

Chuck Norris sells his urine...Of course we all know it as Red Bull.

Current Rating: 3.62

The 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' are more accurately: Chuck Norris' right hand, left hand, right foot, and left foot.

Current Rating: 3.62

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Current Rating: 3.6

Chuck Norris can stick a CD up his ass and burn data onto it

Current Rating: 3.59

Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.

Current Rating: 3.58

Chuck Norris carved Mount Rushmore. With his feet.

Current Rating: 3.57

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Current Rating: 3.55

Bigfoot often tries to take pictures of Chuck Norris.

Current Rating: 3.55

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

Current Rating: 3.55

Chuck Norris taught the creator of the piano how to play it.

Current Rating: 3.54

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

Current Rating: 3.53

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Current Rating: 3.52

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.

Current Rating: 3.51

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was too easy.

Current Rating: 3.51

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.

Current Rating: 3.5

Elvis never died, he just owes Chuck Norris Money!

Current Rating: 3.5

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from anyone.

Current Rating: 3.5

Chuck Norris DOESN'T love Raymond.

Current Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris is the only person to count to infinity... twice.

Current Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He doesn't have to. He dares it to grow.

Current Rating: 3.48

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Current Rating: 3.47

If you are stuck on a test and you don't know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris. The answer is always Chuck Norris.

Current Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris can clog the toilet with his pee.

Current Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris once masturbated in a junk yard.

Nine months later Optimus Prime was born.

Current Rating: 3.45

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.