Top 5 Best Dirty Jokes

Current Rating: 3.89

A drunk guy walks into a bar. He looks to the left and says "You're all a bunch of assholes". Then he looks to the right and says "you're all a bunch of queers".

Suddenly, a man on the left side of the room jumps up starts to run to the other side of the room. The drunk guy roars, "where do you think you're going".

To which the man replies, "I'm on the wrong side of the room".

Current Rating: 3.69

Superman and Spiderman are standing at a Bar, Superman is looking a bit down.

- What's the matter? asks Spiderman.

- Well to tell you the truth, I haven't had "IT" for months and it's really getting to me comes the reply.

- Its funny you should say that, on the way here I was swinging past Wonder Womans apartment and she was lying on her bed in the altogether with her legs akimbo says Spiderman with a grin..

- What do you mean? asks Superman

- Well with your powers you could dive in, do the business and be out before she knows what hit her Spiderman replies

- Ok I'll do it.....

Off he goes to Wonder Womans apartment and sure enough shes still lying on her bed as if waiting for something!! He shoots through the window, straight in, does the job and flys straight back to the Bar.

- Bloody hell says Wonder Woman, What the hell was that?

- I don't know - but my arse is in pieces replied the Invisible Man...

Current Rating: 3.64

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain!"

The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a cum stain too!" she says.

The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, "Yep, but it's nobody from this building."

Current Rating: 3.63

Duane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Duane smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Duane breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

The flustered, embarrassed Duane stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"

She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"

Clearing his throat once again, Duane stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."

Current Rating: 3.63

The two little old ladies, who were long time friends and a bit old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion.

It was not long before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend.

When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said "Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the caretakers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top and then all over, and then we sing Jewish songs."

Mrs. Murphy said, "For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you Mrs. Cohen."

Mrs. Cohen said, "And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy?"

Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she also had a boyfriend.

Mrs. Cohen said, "Good for you! So what do you do?"

"We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch me all over."

Mrs. Cohen said, "Yes? And then....?"

Mrs. Murphy said, "Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we fuck."