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Top 5 Best Golf Jokes

Top 5 Best Golf Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.37

A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket.

"What is that?" she asks.

"Those are my golf balls."

"Is that like tennis elbow?"



Current Rating: 3.34

A man playing golf one Saturday at a local golf course is surprised when an attractive woman not only wants to play golf with him but also beats him by four strokes. As a consolation to beating him, she offers him a blowjob in the back seat of her car.

For the next month, every Saturday they meet, play a round of golf and after she beats him by four-five strokes, she goes down on him in the parking lot. The guy is in heaven until she invites him over for drinks and dinner and when he tries to take things to the next level, she breaks down and confesses she's a transvestite

"Are you mad at me?" he/she sobs.

"Damn right I am," the man shouts. "You've been hitting off the women's tee all month!"



Current Rating: 3.33

Sam and Harry are playing one day. On the first hole, Sam hits a wicked slice into the adjoining fairway. The ball hits another player right between the eyes and he drops to the ground.

Sam and Harry rush over to the prostrate man and find him unconscious with the ball laying on the ground between his legs.

Sam screams, "Oh my God, what should I do?"

Harry replies; "Don't move him. If you leave him there he becomes an immovable obstruction and, according to the rules, you are allowed a drop two club-lengths away."



Current Rating: 3.27

Two guys were playing golf when the first one said, "I really need to take a crap..."

"The second replied, "Well there's a tree, go behind it and do your stuff."

"The first guy looks over at the tree and comments, "But, I don't have any toilet paper."

Being a witty fellow, the second man remarks, "You have a dollar don't you? Just use it to wipe yourself"

Reluctantly, the first guy goes and does his stuff. Minutes later he comes back with crap all over him. The second asks, "Damn, what happened? Didn't you use the dollar?"

"Hell yes, but have you ever tried to wipe with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel?"



Current Rating: 3.26

One day a Bob is going golfing and a stranger comes up to him and asks if he can play with him.

The man says ok and they start playing. After about three holes Bob asks the stranger what he does for a living.

"I’m a hit man," the man replies.

The man laughs and says, "That’s funny, what do you really do?"

The man says, "I’m really a hit man, look in my golf bag."

The man goes and looks in the golf bag and in it there is a sniper rifle with a scope on it.

"Hey do you mind if I use this scope to see my house?"

The hit man tells him not at all, so the guy uses the scope and zooms in his bedroom window. He sees his wife naked. Then his neighbor comes up, and he is naked too.

The man gets really mad and says, "How much does it cost to do a hit?"

The hit man says a thousand dollars a shot.

"Then I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis because he is sticking it in my wife and shoot my wife in the mouth because she is always yapping."

The hit man takes the sniper rifle and sits there aiming for about fifteen minutes.

The man says, "Hey man, hurry up!"

"Hold on a second," the sniper says, "I’m trying to save you a thousand bucks."