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Top 5 Best Golf Jokes

Top 5 Best Golf Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.38

A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket.

"What is that?" she asks.

"Those are my golf balls."

"Is that like tennis elbow?"



Current Rating: 3.29

There were two gentleman playing golf one sunny day, when a funeral service came passing by. The first gentleman stopped playing, took off his hat and placed it next to his chest.

Well, the second gentlemen replied; "That has got to be the most respecting thing that I have ever seen you do".

The first gentleman looked over to his friend and said, "We've been together for 30 years, I owed her that much".



Current Rating: 3.27

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the Mother superior

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"IS THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Mother Superior.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then the Mother Superior sighed and said,
"You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?"



Current Rating: 3.27

One day a Bob is going golfing and a stranger comes up to him and asks if he can play with him.

The man says ok and they start playing. After about three holes Bob asks the stranger what he does for a living.

"I’m a hit man," the man replies.

The man laughs and says, "That’s funny, what do you really do?"

The man says, "I’m really a hit man, look in my golf bag."

The man goes and looks in the golf bag and in it there is a sniper rifle with a scope on it.

"Hey do you mind if I use this scope to see my house?"

The hit man tells him not at all, so the guy uses the scope and zooms in his bedroom window. He sees his wife naked. Then his neighbor comes up, and he is naked too.

The man gets really mad and says, "How much does it cost to do a hit?"

The hit man says a thousand dollars a shot.

"Then I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis because he is sticking it in my wife and shoot my wife in the mouth because she is always yapping."

The hit man takes the sniper rifle and sits there aiming for about fifteen minutes.

The man says, "Hey man, hurry up!"

"Hold on a second," the sniper says, "I’m trying to save you a thousand bucks."



Current Rating: 3.24

A man playing golf one Saturday at a local golf course is surprised when an attractive woman not only wants to play golf with him but also beats him by four strokes. As a consolation to beating him, she offers him a blowjob in the back seat of her car.

For the next month, every Saturday they meet, play a round of golf and after she beats him by four-five strokes, she goes down on him in the parking lot. The guy is in heaven until she invites him over for drinks and dinner and when he tries to take things to the next level, she breaks down and confesses she's a transvestite

"Are you mad at me?" he/she sobs.

"Damn right I am," the man shouts. "You've been hitting off the women's tee all month!"