Top 5 Best Little Johnny Jokes

Current Rating: 5

Little Johnny comes home from School one day, with a worried look on his face. His father asks him ,"whats troubling you Little Johnny"

Little Johnny answers. Well the teacher has asked us to learn what the word "contagious" means, by tomorrow ,and if we don't know she'll keep us in after school.

Little Johnny's Dad chuckles and says, son, that's easy! He puts his arm around Little Johnny's shoulder, and leads him to the kitchen window and says. Tell me what you see out there Little Johnny?

Little Johnny says that all he sees, is Mom out there mowing the lawn...

Well that's your answer says little Johnny's Dad. It'll take the cunt-ages to finish the lawn...

Current Rating: 4.57

A teacher asked her first grade class how many of them were fans of President Obama. Not understanding what the teacher meant but seeking her approval, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked him why he couldn't go along with the rest of the class.

Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."

"Is it because your racist?" suggested the teacher.

"No," Johnny replied scornfully, "because I'm a Republican!

"Why in the world would you want to be a Republican?" asked his teacher.

Little Johnny looked at her like she was dumb. "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

The teacher looked at the rest of the class and smiled sweetly at the young boy. "Well," said the teacher,"if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big toothy grin little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan!"

Current Rating: 4.5

Little Johnny wriggled uncomfortably on his psychiatrist's couch pouring out his heart, bewailing his inability to get any respect.

"What's wrong with me?" demanded little Johnny.

His therapist looked thoughtful. "Vell, you suffer der dilemma of both hating somevun, who fur the sake of anonymity we'll call Pee, und exalting diss Pee by vishing to be him. You hide your frustration mit ein toothy grin, pathetic miming und ein juvenile preoccupation mit sex."

"Nein, diss Pee is not der problem," he continued. "Und der diagnosis ist klar."

"You suffer von Pee-niss envy."

Current Rating: 4.38

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!"

Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her.

To which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?"

Current Rating: 4.38

Dirty Little Johnny was in grammar class. The teacher was playing a word association game. She'd give a student a letter of the alphabet, and the student should give the teacher a word starting with that letter. She could not give Little Johnny "A", because he's say "Asshole". She couldn't give him "B", he'd say "Bitch". "C", he'd say "Cunt", and so on.

The class began to notice Little Johnny by the absence of his being given a letter. Finally, the teacher arrived at the letter "R". She couldn't think of anything dirty that starts with "R", so she gave Little Johnny "R".

The teacher winced as Little Johnny thought, and then after a pause, said "Rats". Rats. The teacher thought that's not bad for Little Johnny, and thanked him.

Dirty Little Johnny nodded, motioned with his hands a few inches apart, and then said "Rats. Yeah. Rats. BIG FUCKERS with COCKS this long"!