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Top 5 Best Man Jokes

Top 5 Best Man Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.35

Mary: "My last boyfriend said he fantasized about having two girls at once."

Jill: "Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?"

Mary: "I said, 'If you can't satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off two?'"



Current Rating: 3.26

30 harsh things to say to a naked man!

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.



Current Rating: 3.24

Single (noun) - A man who make jokes about women in the kitchen.



Current Rating: 3.23

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Madonna

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henry Youngman

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.
Rita Rudner

This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
Judy Tenuta

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
Jean Kerr

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
Gwyneth Paltrow



Current Rating: 3.23

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you have succeeded.

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.