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Top 5 Best Women Jokes

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Current Rating: 3.38

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or any thing. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

---

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.


I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!



Current Rating: 3.26

The seven most important men in a woman's life:

(1)Doctor: because he says "Take off your clothes."

(2)Dentist: because he says "Open wide."

(3)Milkman: because he says "Do you want it in the front or back?"

(4)Hairdresser: because he says "Do you want it teased or blown?"

(5)Interior Decorator: because he says "Once it's in, you'll love it"

(6)Banker: because he says "If you take it out too soon you'll lose interest."

(7)Hunter: because he always goes deep in the bush, always shoots twice,and always eats what he shoots.



Current Rating: 3.24

A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only." Since they were without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.

"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide, since the door to each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind."

The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly." This wasn’t going to do.

So the friends move up to the third floor where the sign reads: "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."

This was good but there were still two more floors, so they decide to move on.

On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect: "All the men here have perfect physiques, are sensitive and attentive to women and are perfect lovers. They are also single, rich and straight."

The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for the fourth.

When they reach the fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: "Actually, there are no men in this entire hotel. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."



Current Rating: 3.24

Entry in young woman's diary :

Monday : Went out with John tonight. We were in his car and he tried to get too friendly. I got out of the car and walked away. My legs are still my best friends.

Tuesday : Went out with Peter tonight. We were in his car and he tried to get too friendly also. I got out of the car and walked away. My legs are still my best friends.

Wednesday : Went out with Jock tonight. I like Jock. We were in his car and he tried to get too friendly. I didn't get out and walk away. Even the best of friends must part!



Current Rating: 3.23

Never thank a woman for having sex with you.

Let her find out on her own that she's made a really bad mistake.