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While I was "flying down the road yesterday, at a measly 4 miles over the limit, I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side laying in wait.

The traffic officer pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah" said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The officer stammered, "What? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand into a rectum. Then, I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about six feet wide."

"And what the hell do you do with a six foot ass hole?" asked the cop.

I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
The look on the Cop's Face: PRICELESS!

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