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Alternative ways to say no:

I'd rather have my nipples chewed off by a pack of wild dogs.

I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose until the back of his head caves in.

I'd rather wipe my ass with a cheese grater.

I'd rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol.

I would rather stick my genitals in a bees nest.

I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while being bitch slapped by a fat, mustached Greek named Spyros.

I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum.

I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire.

I'd rather suck cow snot through a straw.

I would rather sandpaper a wildcat's ass.

I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle in the nude.

I'd rather bungee jump with the harness tied to my penis with your mother lying naked in the landing zone.

I would rather dry hump a polar bear in a phone booth.

I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back and then find out it's the wrong one.

I'd rather cram my penis in the ass of a bear with inflamed hemorrhoids.

I'd rather have the ten strongest 300 pound linemen in the NFL play tug of war with my nut sack each side of 5 pulling a separate nut in a different direction.

I would rather try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter - and not a twist off either.

I would rather have my lower legs stripped with a wood planer and then wear wool socks in August.

I'd rather stick my nose up someone's ass after he just finished taking a wet, nasty dump.

I'd rather shave my poison-ivy covered legs with a dull barber's razor and no water or soap.

I'd rather french kiss a barracuda.

I'd rather poke a Grizzly Bear in the ass with a short stick.

I'd rather butt fuck a rattlesnake in a phone booth.

I'd rather nail my penis to the middle of a 2x4 and set both ends on fire and try to get loose with a butter knife.

I'd rather stick a Hartz flea brush up my ass and jog a mile.

I would rather have blow Pee Wee Herman in daylight, after he just whacked off in a movie theater without a bag to put over his head.

I'd rather drink for a week from the septic tank of the 700 pound man next door.

I'd rather wipe my anus with barbed wire.

I'd rather insert and break a slender glass rod in my penis then tie it in a knot.

I'd rather lick the undigested corn from a crusty elephant's ass.

I'd rather run naked through a rosebush garden then jump into a pool filled with chlorine.

I'd rather ride a donkey naked through the desert with snapping turtles clamped to my salty nipples.

I'd rather be tied to a chair and forced to listen to Barry Manilow tunes while having my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon.

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