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HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE SIMILAR:

* Both take up too much space on the bed
* Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners
* Both are threatened by their own kind
* Both mark and protect their territory
* Both are bad at making you understand what it is they want
* Neither can tell you what's bothering them
* The smaller ones tend to be more nervous
* Neither does any dishes or house cleaning
* Both fart shamelessly
* Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut
* Both like dominance games
* Both are suspicious of men who come to the door
* Neither knows how to talk on the telephone
* Neither understands what you see in cats
* Both enjoy the most mindless games

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

* Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public
* Dogs miss you when you're gone and greet you when you return
* Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong
* Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out
* Dogs do not play mind games with you
* Dogs never laugh at how you throw
* Dogs do not feel threatened by your intelligence
* You can train a dog
* Dogs are easy to buy for
* The worst social disease you can get from them is rabies
* Dogs understand what "no" means
* Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside
* Middle-aged dogs don't abandon you for a younger owner
* Dogs are not threatened by how much you earn
* Dogs mean it when they kiss you

WHERE DOGS FALL SHORT:

* Men only have two feet that track in mud
* Men can buy you presents and have charge cards
* Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them out
* Men are a little more subtle most of the time
* Most men don't eat gross things on the sly
* Dogs have dog breath most of the time
* Men can do math stuff, as well as read and write some
* Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it
* Men can carry a lot of packages
* Male dogs cannot resist a female dog in heat
* Most dogs cannot dance
* While dogs can watch your favorite movie, they don't understand it
(actually most men don't either, but some might)
* Two words: butt sniffing
* Once in a great while men will paint/repair/do chores
* Try as they might, dogs don't hug real good

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