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More Things You Would NEVER Hear A Redneck Say

-I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
-Duct tape won't fix that.
-Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
-Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
-We don't keep firearms in this house.
-Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
-You can't feed that to the dog.
-I thought Graceland was tacky.
-No kids in the back of the pick-up; it's not safe.
-Wrasslin's fake.
-Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
-We're vegetarians.
-Do you think my hair is too big?
-I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
-Honey, do these Bonsai trees need watering?
-Who's Richard Petty?
-Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
-Deer heads detract from the decor.
-Spitting is such a nasty habit.
-I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
-Trim the fat off that steak.
-Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
-The tires on that truck are too big.
-I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
-I've got it all on a floppy disk.
-Unsweetened tea tastes better.
-Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
-My fiancee, Betty Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
-I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
-Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
-Checkmate.
-She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
-Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
-Hey, here's an episode of 'Hee Haw' that we haven't seen.
-I don't have a favorite college team.
-Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
-I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
-Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
-Elvis who?

Joke submitted by Susan

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