Home Random Jokes Submit Jokes Jokes by Email Webmasters










Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are the current Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes based on YOUR votes. If you don't agree with these votes, then be sure to rate as many of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes as you want. The more you rate, the more input you have on this list! You can also get 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes.


Current Rating: 3.19

For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.



Current Rating: 3.12

Chuck Norris was seen running out of Jenny Craig crying because his strict diet of Tony Danza's spunk didn't work.



Current Rating: 3.1

Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention.



Current Rating: 3.1

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.



Current Rating: 3.1

Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.



Current Rating: 3.09

Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.



Current Rating: 3.09

Chuck Norris is so gay, when he got to Brokeback auditions he handed the other actors a 12" dildo pulled down his pants and asked who was first.



Current Rating: 3.08

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.



Current Rating: 3.08

Chuck Norris puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.



Current Rating: 3.06

Chuck Norris injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bare the weight of his mustache.



Current Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris has to wear a helmet to every meal, not because he is special, but because Christie Brinkley loses her temper when the airplane is not allowed to land.



Current Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft.



Current Rating: 3.02

Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.



Current Rating: 3.01

Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carnival celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request.



Current Rating: 2.99

The chief import of Chuck Norris is cock.



Current Rating: 2.99

Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.



Current Rating: 2.99

Chuck Norris has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.



Current Rating: 2.97

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found.



Current Rating: 2.96

Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.



Current Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.



Current Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Too bad Chuck Norris is a guy.



Current Rating: 2.95

If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."



Current Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.



Current Rating: 2.94

Chuck Norris once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.



Current Rating: 2.94

If Chuck Norris has fucked every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.



Current Rating: 2.94

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.



Current Rating: 2.93

Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.



Current Rating: 2.93

Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race.



Current Rating: 2.93

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.



Current Rating: 2.92

Chuck Norris has the ultimate World of Warcraft character! But he joins parties and leaves halfway through and always causes guild drama.