Thursday, July 2, 2009

Rejected

I consider myself a good friend. A very good friend. I think that those who know me well would agree. I'm usually everybody's sounding board, the one you come to for advice or if you just need somebody to listen. I work hard to maintain my friendship's and keep in touch with people. I have a lot of acquaintances but I have a handful of REALLY GOOD friends. And it seems to me that suddenly, without any warning, that circle is decreasing. And for the life of me I don't know WHY.

There are a few people whom I have developed very fun friendships with over the last year. We were brought together by life's circumstances and just really hit it off. I didn't think they were superficial friendships. We hung out, we did stuff, we emailed, talked on the phone. I got to know them, they got to know me. We were friends. But suddenly we aren't. Calls aren't returned, emails ignored, texts not responded to. Is it because I'm suddenly not able to party with you? Because that's when it seemed to start. So is our friendship based on a glass of wine? If so I seriously misjudged the situation.

There are other friends that I was really worried about telling I was pregnant. Because knowing how they are I really thought it would change them. NOT ME. Them. Does being pregnant change certain things, yes. But not who I am fundamentally. I'm still the same girl that has spent countless hours listening to you and being there for you. I still WANT to be there for you. And I want to share this with you. I don't sugar coat anything so I want to share all the nitty gritty with you if you want it! Just because we aren't in the exact same place in our lives doesn't change my feelings for you or our friendship. Just as me getting married didn't! Your fear changed our friendship not me!

And then there are those who have simply decided they are too busy for me. Ouch. I'm busy too. I work too. I do most of the same things you do. But I'm still trying. I'm still reaching out. What's your excuse? No one has stepped up to tell me if I have done something wrong. I'm not aware of it if I did. If I did know about it I would apologize. I don't want to lose friends. I love my friends. You mean the world to me.

It is hurtful. Here I am going through the biggest thing that has ever happened to me and to feel rejected hurts even more now. Especially because I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID.

I am not going to belittle what some of my friends have done. Some of you have become even better than I ever imagined (I'm looking at you TU). And I'm so, so thankful for you. I want you to know that. But when people walk away from you with no rhyme or reason or explanation it just hurts.


17 comments:

Michelle, Queen of Everything said...

Ouch.

You know, I go through cycles like this. Where friendships cool off for no real reason. Sometimes they come back, and sometimes they don't.

I think any relationship has cycles, like a marriage. Hopefully your good friendships survive and the ones that weren't so good to begin with, well, they might be better left alone.

When you said "wine" I knew you weren't talking about ME! lol

Anonymous said...

Kelly at 12:36pm July 2
Who would walk away from cute pregnant Bree?

Bree said...

Julie at 1:27pm July 2
losing friends is never easy. but i like to think that if they can't stick it out, maybe the friend just isn't that great. life's too short to have try to force people to like you. especially when you have other friends that are there for good :)

Anonymous said...

Vivian at 1:47pm July 2
do u want me to beat up whoever hurt you?.. i will...

Anonymous said...

Shelly at 2:00pm July 2
Seems like the older we get we find out who are true friends are. I feel like now that I'm older I have fewer, better friends. It does hurt when you lose a friend, but remember your a wonderful person and it's their loss. :)

Anonymous said...

Ivy at 3:14pm July 2
Bree I am very thankful for you...your pregnancy is so exciting to me and I am so glad to have a new friend to share this exciting, scary and emotional ride with...State's between us will cause us to not to be able to hang out in person, but in heart you are treasured.

Anonymous said...

Amy at 3:21pm July 2
Over a year ago I received an email, which was originally written by TD Jakes. I think it was called "The Gift of Goodbye" and it covered the subject of letting people go when they were trying to walk away from you. It changed my life forever. If you google "the gift of goodbye" I believe it will pull it up. Check it out. ((((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Sharon at 3:37pm July 2
i agree i beleive some people are in our life for a season and some for a reason and some for a lifetime

Anonymous said...

Kelly at 3:53pm July 2
I read the "Gift of Goodbye" - that was a great message!

Bree said...

Thank you all for your kind words! It means a lot to me!

Tracey said...

I too have experienced this in the last 5 years, and it does cause a lot of pain. If we lived close, I would hang out with you every weekend. So many times your answers and responses are the same as mine and I WISH you were closer. If you are ever in Texas, you have a friend waiting for you!

Andrea said...

i have had this samething happen to me, but all in time do the true friends come back. i thought it was me and really it was her, she didn't want to disappoint me so she just disappread, and it hurt me. be true to yourself and all those who want you in there life will be there

Girly Muse said...

This is so painful...and I know for me, just when I think I've figured it out, another friendship disintegrates. Now I go into it with my eyes wide open. That may sound cynical, but I know who my true blues are and the rest I know could change at any moment.

Doesn't make it less painful though.

Sorry you're going through this. And your real friends WANT to hear about your pregnancy, so don't withhold! :)

Natalie said...

Ick! This is why I always try to listen as much as possible to my friends who are planning a wedding or pregnant. Because its such a big thing and they want to talk.

BUT I have the opposite problem. I have several pals who all had babies at the same time and now they hang out together and never with me. It helps that they are all on maternity leave, so they can hang out during the day, when I'm at work. But I miss them!

The Memory Journalists said...

Sorry B. I know how it feels...i had the same thing happen to me last year with a photographer friend...well someone I thought was a friend. just no calls, no emails, no nothing. But life goes on and they're the ones missing out!

Hannah said...

It is horrible when that happens. I have had to do it to one friend who I thought was my closest friend but I realised just used me as a way to make herself feel bigger all the time. It worked for her and was toxic for me, so I just cut her out. She has tried to make contact but every time I let her in, I get hurt, so I just haven't this time. I feel bad about it, but free at the same time.

Anonymous said...

I know that this post included me. I hope now, that you understand I was just going through my own stuff that I wasn't quite ready to share. It was all about me, not you. Who would want to quit being friends with you?! Sorry for any sadness or confusion I may have caused. Cuz I'm a hard one to let go of...;0P

But now I'm back. So Ms. Busy Bee, when do you have some free time?