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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes.
You can also see the Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes?


Current Joke Rating: 2.66

Chuck Norris has been shot by Chuck Bronson twelve times.



Current Joke Rating: 2.9

Chuck Norris stayed in high school for 7 years until someone finally signed his yearbook.



Current Joke Rating: 2.83

During World War II Chuck Norris once tried killing a Nazi soldier by pointing his finger at him and yelling "Bang!"



Current Joke Rating: 2.56

The number of people who saw Gigli is higher than Chuck Norris' white blood cell count.



Current Joke Rating: 2.72

Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."



Current Joke Rating: 2.72

Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.



Current Joke Rating: 2.83

Chuck Norris was once the subject of a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" bukkake. The tears of joy he wept reanimated both Jean Cocteau, who filmed the event, and Oscar Wilde, who made snide comments about Norris' masculinity.



Current Joke Rating: 2.75

Chuck Norris' pick-up runs on sunshine and puppy's tears. Chuck Norris' truck never starts because "Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday."



Current Joke Rating: 2.88

Chuck Norris once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming "I'm too young to die!" the whole way.



Current Joke Rating: 2.49

The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.



Current Joke Rating: 2.46

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.



Current Joke Rating: 3.24

Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.



Current Joke Rating: 2.78

Chuck Norris is credited with the invention of bottled water.



Current Joke Rating: 2.79

Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him.



Current Joke Rating: 3.04

Chuck Norris was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits."



Current Joke Rating: 3.02

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.



Current Joke Rating: 2.68

Chuck Norris can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research.



Current Joke Rating: 2.72

Chuck Norris cuts the roof of his mouth when he eats Cap'n Crunch.



Current Joke Rating: 2.41

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.



Current Joke Rating: 3.03

Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.



Current Joke Rating: 2.75

Chuck Norris checks his closet for Michael Jackson before he goes to bed. He is disappointed when he doesn't find him.



Current Joke Rating: 2.75

Chuck Norris' adult diaper is made to withhold 2,000 lbs of pressure per square inch. It breaks on a regular basis.



Current Joke Rating: 2.62

Chuck Norris' real name is Daniel Goldberg. He is ashamed of his Jewish heritage.



Current Joke Rating: 2.9

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.



Current Joke Rating: 2.77

On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.



Current Joke Rating: 2.88

Despite Chuck Norris' colored sidekick on "Walker, Texas Ranger," he is an adamant racist.



Current Joke Rating: 2.99

Chuck Norris has the chorus to the song "Fly By Night" tattooed on the underside of his penis.



Current Joke Rating: 2.71

Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.



Current Joke Rating: 2.8

Chuck Norris once painted a portrait of himself. He only used 3 colors. Nobody said anything.



Current Joke Rating: 3.14

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.