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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes.
You can also see the Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes?

Current Joke Rating: 2.89

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.

Current Joke Rating: 2.72

Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."

Current Joke Rating: 2.95

Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.

Current Joke Rating: 2.54

Chuck Norris was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than "Nuck Chorris." To add injury to insult, it was a roundhouse kick.

Current Joke Rating: 2.98

Chuck Norris was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.

Current Joke Rating: 2.75

Chuck Norris gives better rimjobs than West Coast Customs.

Current Joke Rating: 3.15

Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention.

Current Joke Rating: 3.16

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.

Current Joke Rating: 2.81

Chuck Norris was approached by Mattel to market his controversial Homo Kung Fu Doll. However, the test market in San Francisco found it too gay and went with the Ru Paul Line instead. They kept the Kung Fu grip.

Current Joke Rating: 2.91

Richard Simmons once told Chuck Norris to quit acting like such a fag.

Current Joke Rating: 2.84

Chuck Norris once backed out of Celebrity Boxing, fearing the wrath of Gary Coleman.

Current Joke Rating: 2.64

Chuck Norris once sent himself flowers on Valentine's Day to trick people into thinking he had a girlfriend. Too bad he signed the card, "From Chuck Norris."

Current Joke Rating: 2.62

Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.

Current Joke Rating: 2.86

Chuck Norris once fought Vin Diesel...and got absolutely fucked up.

Current Joke Rating: 2.69

Chuck Norris's second most lethal art is face painting.

Current Joke Rating: 2.39

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.

Current Joke Rating: 3.1

Chuck Norris puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.

Current Joke Rating: 2.81

Despite Chuck Norris' colored sidekick on "Walker, Texas Ranger," he is an adamant racist.

Current Joke Rating: 2.8

Chuck Norris' inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.

Current Joke Rating: 2.85

Chuck Norris cannot have hemorroids. Because he is a perfect asshole.

Current Joke Rating: 2.81

Chuck Norris has a summer home on "Brokeback Mountain."

Current Joke Rating: 2.77

In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger."

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

Chuck Norris has the ultimate World of Warcraft character! But he joins parties and leaves halfway through and always causes guild drama.

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

Chuck Norris listens to Fall Out Boy and cries.

Current Joke Rating: 2.69

It is no happy coincidence that Chuck Norris and LaToya Jackson have never appeared in public together.

Current Joke Rating: 2.73

Chuck Norris was once the subject of a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" bukkake. The tears of joy he wept reanimated both Jean Cocteau, who filmed the event, and Oscar Wilde, who made snide comments about Norris' masculinity.

Current Joke Rating: 2.59

Chuck Norris is credited with the invention of bottled water.

Current Joke Rating: 2.77

Before being discovered as a martial arts talent, Chuck Norris was a writer for Hallmark greeting cards.

Current Joke Rating: 2.38

The origin of the name "Norris" is actually French. The translation of the word "Chuck" means homosexual.

Current Joke Rating: 2.7

No matter how many fortune cookies Chuck Norris opens, they always say "Fight like a girl."