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30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes

Here are 30 Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes.
You can also see the Top 30 Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes as rated by our users. Would you please rate some of our Random Anti-Chuck Norris Jokes?

Current Joke Rating: 2.82

Chuck Norris can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.

Current Joke Rating: 3.21

Chuck Norris was seen running out of Jenny Craig crying because his strict diet of Tony Danza's spunk didn't work.

Current Joke Rating: 3.01

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found.

Current Joke Rating: 2.89

If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be...oh wait.

Current Joke Rating: 2.66

Chuck Norris gave a thumbs up on "Dodgeball" because he thought William Shatner was asking him out.

Current Joke Rating: 2.64

Chuck Norris' recites a line from The Notebook as his finishing move in a scrapped version of Mortal Kombat.

Current Joke Rating: 3.21

Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.

Current Joke Rating: 2.93

In The Way of the Dragon, Chuck Norris's ass-kicking at the hands of Bruce Lee isn't all staged. During one especially close exchange, Chuck Norris attempted to cop a feel, which Mr. Lee did not appreciate. The subsequent scene was left in "for the sake of reality."

Current Joke Rating: 2.75

After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy.

Current Joke Rating: 2.74

Chuck Norris tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed.

Current Joke Rating: 2.17

Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.

Current Joke Rating: 2.88

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.

Current Joke Rating: 2.69

Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.

Current Joke Rating: 3.08

Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.

Current Joke Rating: 3.09

The morning after sex with his girlfriend, Chuck Norris likes to greet her with breakfast in bed.

Current Joke Rating: 2.75

Chuck Norris came up with the idea for his look after many years studying the Brawny paper towel man.

Current Joke Rating: 3.02

Chuck Norris was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.

Current Joke Rating: 3.09

For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.

Current Joke Rating: 2.83

Chuck Norris is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass.

Current Joke Rating: 2.88

Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.

Current Joke Rating: 2.57

Chuck Norris always buys the Double Gulp at 7-11 even though he knows he can't finish it.

Current Joke Rating: 2.82

Chuck Norris once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie.

Current Joke Rating: 2.79

Chuck Norris vs. Jay Leno: Chuck Norris - no lips, no chin. Jay Leno - no lips. Jay Leno by a chin.

Current Joke Rating: 2.73

Chuck Norris is the only man who can enter a strip club with $500 and leave with $500.

Current Joke Rating: 2.84

Upon hitting puberty, Chuck Norris had a zit on his ass the size of a cantaloupe.

Current Joke Rating: 2.7

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Current Joke Rating: 2.76

Chuck Norris has guest directed four episodes of Will and Grace. Before each episode, Chuck Norris requested that Grace be replaced by his friend, "Peter."

Current Joke Rating: 2.68

Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."

Current Joke Rating: 2.96

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

Current Joke Rating: 2.8

Chuck Norris is from Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas. Chuck Norris has no horns.