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Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes

Today's Top 30 Chuck Norris Jokes according to the votes of our surfers.
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Current Rating: 3.95

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.



Current Rating: 3.77

A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.



Current Rating: 3.68

Chuck Norris carved Mount Rushmore. With his feet.



Current Rating: 3.64

Chuck Norris once shot a 33 on a 36-hole golf course.



Current Rating: 3.61

Chuck Norris sells his urine...Of course we all know it as Red Bull.



Current Rating: 3.6

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.59

Chuck Norris can stick a CD up his ass and burn data onto it



Current Rating: 3.58

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.



Current Rating: 3.58

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.



Current Rating: 3.58

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.



Current Rating: 3.57

Chuck Norris is the only person to count to infinity... twice.



Current Rating: 3.57

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.



Current Rating: 3.55

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.53

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.



Current Rating: 3.53

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.



Current Rating: 3.52

Chuck Norris can read lips- with his eyes closed.



Current Rating: 3.52

The 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' are more accurately: Chuck Norris' right hand, left hand, right foot, and left foot.



Current Rating: 3.5

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.



Current Rating: 3.5

Chuck Norris DOESN'T love Raymond.



Current Rating: 3.48

Chuck Norris once leaned on the Tower of Pisa...



Current Rating: 3.47

CNN was originally the Chuck Norris Network but Chuck was so awesome when people watched it there heads exploded!



Current Rating: 3.46

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.



Current Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris successfully separated twins conjoined at the head by roundhouse kicking them in the face.



Current Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris taught the creator of the piano how to play it.



Current Rating: 3.46

Bigfoot often tries to take pictures of Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.



Current Rating: 3.46

Chuck Norris once masturbated in a junk yard.

Nine months later Optimus Prime was born.



Current Rating: 3.45

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.



Current Rating: 3.45

Moses didn't separate the red sea, Chuck Norris did.



Current Rating: 3.45

Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.