This is something I have struggled with my entire life. Both my mom and my sister are tiny. Not according to them, but they are. And they have been all my life. I was actually quite thin when I was younger but I thought I was a heifer standing next to my sister who was 98 pounds soaking wet. My mom's mom and middle sister were both thin like she was and the youngest sister was the heavier one. I can remember my grandma harping on her about her weight. For as far back as I can remember. My mom never said anything to me about my weight but she talked a lot about hers. Despite how small she was my mom was on the eternal quest of those last 5 pounds.

I went through high school and college as a fairly thin girl. I'm shaped totally different than my mom and my sister so size 0 was never going to work for me but I was healthy and I looked good, even if I do say so myself. My weight didn't really become an issue until after I had been out of college for a few years. And then I really packed it on. I mean REALLY. And my insecurities soared. And the comments came. "Sweetie, if you would just lose a little bit of weight you would feel so much better." "Your weight is the reason I broke up with you." (Yes. A BOY actually said that to me. He's a winner.) "You lost 5 pounds? You look amazing." (Which trust me, you couldn't tell I lost 10 pounds.) "You're not on your diet anymore? OH."

Some people think that it may have been encouraging to me but it wasn't. All it did was turn on the focus on my weight and drilled even further into my brain that thin=pretty, successful and better person. So back on would come those 5 pounds. And I think because I gained so much weight I have significantly changed my body. In that I will never be "thin" by the world's standards. I don't think I can. I think I have damaged my body with the crazy yo-yoing.

In January of this year I was up again back to that scary number. It was bad. And I felt horrible. Here I was a newly-wed feeling fat, unattractive and honestly didn't want my husband to look at me. Michelle and I had been having a lot of conversations about it, both complaining about our struggles. I decided it was time to do something. Really do something. So I joined Weight Watchers. And I didn't really tell anybody. I didn't want any one's input. I didn't even want their encouragement. Because I didn't want to see and hear the disappointment if I failed. And I wasn't that confident that I would succeed. I'm not going to go into how much weight I've lost or gained or any of that because frankly it goes right back to what we are talking about. Suffice it to say I'm learning to change my life. And I'm also learning that while 150 pounds on someone else might be obese for them, it might not be for me. And I'm okay with that. I'm not even close to were I need to be to have a proper body image but I'm working on it. I do not want to pass this on to my nieces or even if I have a daughter someday. I want them to feel beautiful no matter what their size. I want them to understand that no one is the same and being thin doesn't make you better, it makes you different. I want them to know that using their brain and being kind to others is far more important than the number imprinted on the inside of their jeans.

It's time that we as women bring this to end. It's time to stop pushing these insecurities on our girls. There is a difference between caring for your kid and helping them be healthy or helping them be "thin". It's time that WE STOP COMPLAINING about our weight in front of these young girls. They hear everything we say and they catch on quickly.

As part of the discussion over at Candy Jamamas, Mrs. Manley from Thinking Out LOUD had some recommendations for books to read on the subject. She has read these and thinks they are very helpful with the subject and also for dealing with teen girls.

You Are Not What You Weigh by Lisa Bevere

Beauty Secrets: Tips for Teens from the Ultimate Makeup Artist by Deborah Newman and Rachel Newman

Making Peace with Your Thighs by Dr. Linda Mintle

Think about this today. It's important. And join us for discussion over at Michelle's.

So I have spent quite a few hours on the internet the last couple of days. I should have doing a whole slew of other things but whatev.

So I've been on the net and I've been reading all about a little thing called Blogher convention. For those of you who don't know (the whole 2 of you that read this blog) Blogher is an organization started by and ran by women bloggers. Every year they have a big 'ol party and all the women bloggers in all the land come together to network and learn. I've never been and I just really learned about it in the last few months. Sounds fantabulous no?

Apparently, not so much.

Like I said I've been reading a lot of blogs posts about it in the last couple of days and while I was thinking that it is something I might really enjoy now I think maybe not. I don't know. (And please don't start the "its-what-you-make-of-it" stuff. I TOTALLY agree with that.) I've just read so much complaining and gossip and plain meanness. I mean, lets be honest you get any amount of women together over the age of 10 and there's gonna be drama. At least at some point. And that's not to say we can't all get along but what I've been reading is that women are just feeding on the drama. A little post here is linked to a comment there that is linked to a blog here and on and on it goes.

I'm not one to go on and on about how oppressed we are as women. I'm of the opinion that we are only as oppressed as we think we are and we allow ourselves to be. That being said I believe we do have to fight harder sometimes to get a little farther or get a little more. That's why I think it is hugely important that any time we can come together as women to support each other and have each other's back we should do so. That's what I thought the Blogher convention would be all about. How disappointing to see that instead of women taking this time to build each other up they were too busy tearing each other down.

AGAIN, I am only writing in reference to what I read from those who have gone. I don't necessarily think that this will keep me from going ever. I think that to truly understand the dynamic I will have to attend at some point. But it just kind of saddened me to see these brilliant and funny women tearing each other down. And no I'm not going to link any posts or any blogs. I don't want to perpetuate the situation. I just wanted to jump on my little soapbox and give my opinion. And that's all I have to say about that.