Wednesday, March 31, 2010


My nieces LOVE Jackson. I mean IN LOVE with him.

Butterbean, the oldest, is always writing him notes telling him how much she loves him. And we call her the hand nazi. She asks everyone before they touch him if they have washed their hands. The minute I walk in the door she heads to the bathroom, washes her hands and then lets me know she did. She even called my sister out one day for not washing her hands.

Lovebug, the youngest, is always telling me how cute he is or how soft. Today she told me how stinky he was when I changed his diaper. I'm glad he has this little girls to adore him. The three of them will be quite the troop when they get older.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Pushing Through

It's been 10 whole days since you've heard from me.  I will give you 3 guesses what I've been doing!  Been buried under baby clothes and diapers! 

Last week was rough.  ROUGH.  Jackson wasn't feeling too good for a couple of days.  Lots of gas thanks to the eating habits of his momma!  Yea me.  (cue Mommy Guilt)  Then it all seemed to go downhill from there.  It was just a frustrating and hard week.  And honestly I didn't want to get on here and continue to complain.  But Thursday things started turning around.  Thanks to an really good Mommy & Me meeting and lunch AND I got my hair done that night.  That's right, I left baby and daddy to fend for themselves for three and half hours.  It was heaven.  And also nerve racking.  But we all survived.  Daddy and Jackson did well and momma came back feeling a bit like her old self.

The weather has also been really nice here which I think definitely helps the mood.  There is just something about sunshine that heals the soul.  I'm not looking forward to the dreariness and rain we have coming our way next week but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. 

All in all we are making it.  We learn something every day and our figuring out how to make our little family work.  And nothing beats rolling over in the morning to the big smile of a six week old who is just so happy you even say his name.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Old Enemy

Did any of you watch Kendra on Sunday night?  Yes, I know that is a weird question and she is annoying but she just had a baby as well and I find myself obssessed with any one else that just had a baby.  Anyway, I watched it.  And I cried the whole way through.  EVERYTHING she said, I felt.  Hello, insecurity, my old friend.

If you have had a kid you know what I'm talking about.  My body will never be the same.  Parts of my body changed that I didn't even SEE change while I was pregnant.  I realize I'm only 5 weeks post partum but insecurity sets in quick.  I look at myself now and I don't recognize who I am in so many ways.  My body is completely different.  And not that it was ever "slammin" to begin with but it was mine and I knew it.  My clothes don't even fit the same because things have shifted.  Nothing is where it used to be.  At least when you are pregnant you can get away with all that.  Now I'm stuck somewhere in between maternity clothes too big and regular clothes too small.  And you know what it's not even that they are too small!  They just don't FIT the same.  GRRRRRRR.

But let's keep going.  I'm a married woman who is attracted to her husband, but I've changed so much insecurity rears it's ugly head and makes me wonder, "Does he find the new me attractive?"  Can he look past the jiggly and the stretch marks?  Can you find me under the pjs and sweaty hair?  Am I still a good wife if I can't seem to find the time to clean the house like I used, make dinner like I used to and pay attention to him like I used to?  I'm a firm believer in keeping your marriage strong after kids.  I don't want Jackson to be the only center of our marriage.  Our relationship is so important and I know that unless we continue to care for it, it will suffer.  Now if I could only find the energy.

This is a hard transition for me.  My Type A personality is really taking a beating.  Learning to let go and realize that sometimes you just have to be satisfied with the best you can do is not an easy task.  But I  will keep plugging along, figuring this all out.  Doing my best to beat my old enemy down.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Happy Birthday Sister

Today is my sister's birthday.  There are a lot of things I could tell you about her.  I could tell you how we fought like cat's and dog's growing up.  We were never friends.  Just sisters.  Together because we were forced that way.  We were very different.  Me ever pushing to get away and her happy to be close to home.  We were merely sisters until about six years ago.  I moved home, defeated, and she was pregnant with my oldest niece.  Somewhere in between the pregnancy and birth we found our common ground. 

At that time she lived around the corner from me.  And my niece was a hard baby.  Colicky, crying, never would sleep.  Tia was more than happy to drop by at any time and hold her and rock her.  Somewhere in between the tears of Grace we found our best friends in each other.  She would always look out for me and I would be her helper. 

Over the last six years I have come to rely on her as my sounding board, my confidant, the person in my corner, my shoulder to cry on.  She has been there for me through some really awful break-ups and finding the love of my life.  I've been there for her through her kids and as her life literally turned upside down. 

I love you Coley and I'm so proud to be your sister.  I am in awe of you and your strength.  You persevere.  You keep fighting.  You don't give up.  You give your girls and husband and soft place to land, never stopping to think about yourself.  You are there for all of us no matter the circumstance.  Your heart is so giving.  You are an amazing wife, the perfect mom and my best friend.  Do you remember that moment when I was giving birth to Jackson and I was so tired and I couldn't breathe?  I looked to you and you talked me through.  I remember your voice getting quiet and it was all I could hear.  That is why you are who you are to me.  Because I can always count on you to get me through.  Thank you for that.  Love you so much.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

One Month

Dear Jackson,
Today you are one month old.  I can't believe how time is flying!  You are already changing so much it makes me sad to see my little budder to be going away.  Your cheeks are thinner, your eyes more alert and goodness you are a long boy.  It's hard to find clothes that fit you well because you are SO long.

I love that you are more alert now though. You wake up with smile and look me in the eyes.  You will coo and ah at me when I talk to you.  Which melts my heart right away.

You and I are still getting settled in and used to each other.  You are definitely a momma's boy though.  You love to be close to me.  Thankfully we have discovered Baby Bjorn and we are both happier for it.  I have free hands and you get your head next to my heart.

You are so loved little man.  Do you feel it?  And not just by me and daddy.  Your aunts and uncles adore you.  Your cousins are in awe of you.  And your grandparents can't get enough of you.  I hope you can feel all their adoration.  And momma and daddy's too.  We are in awe of you and how much you have brought to our lives.  And although it's not always easy we hope you know that we wouldn't change any of this for the world.


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Me in You

I watch my boy all day long. I stare at him and I study his features, his faces and all his tiny little actions.  I think he looks like my hubby.  Here, what do you think?

But the more I look at him the more I see bits of me.  For instance, I think he has my nose.  A pudgy little nose from his Momma.  And here's a crazy thing.  He sleeps JUST like me.  Either on his back with his hands thrown up over his head or on his side with his hands tucked up under his chin.  I've slept like that my entire life!  How WEIRD is that?
In other news, we took him to his 2 week check-up yesterday.  He's perfect of course.  Back to his birth weight and it seems he even grew a little.  We didn't start his vaccinations yet.  Apparently that is his two month visit.  After a lot of thought and research we are definitely going to get him all his shots but we are going to do a modified schedule.  I'm just not comfortable pumping my little baby full of medicine every time he goes to the doctor.  This will put him a little behind schedule but I'm fine with that.  We have no intention of putting him in daycare as of yet and if we have to we will deal with that when it happens.
We only have one more week with Hubby before he returns to work.  I have really enjoyed have him home this whole time.  I told him that we have spent more time together now than, well, ever!  I know it has been nice for him too.  He has enjoyed being with Jackson and getting to know him.  We are going to miss him when he goes back to work and it will be an adjustment for us learning to get along without him.