Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Am I weird?

I feel weird. I feel different. I feel like no other woman before. Of course I realize that it is probably all in my head but that doesn't change the feeling.

I have quite a few friends that are pregnant or just had a baby right now. And so it's put baby on the brain. And for whatever reason I have convinced myself that I am the expection to the rule. Our bodies are a wonderous and glorious thing. We've been giving birth since Eve. For some of us it is easier and for others of us it is nothing but trouble.

So why is it before it's even my problem I'm obsessed with the possibility. I fear that for me I will be the one it is not a "slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am". My sister easily got pregnant both times. She is fertile-myrtle. But I worry that it will take me a lifetime. So why am I worried about something that is not even a problem yet? Am I the only person that feels this way? And why as women do we hide away our fears? Why can't we express them to each other?


Girly Muse said...

you're not weird!!! it's the big unknown...no one knows what their experience will be like and that's frightening!!!

was talking to someone just yesterday who also fears that things will not go well for her. she's not pregnant or even close to it yet...i remember feeling that way~ and it was partly true~ but i also have 2 great children, regardless of how hard they were to get. :)

we all have our own stories. you will have your own and i will be praying that it will be a great one.

Donna said...

Girly Muse is so correct. We all have our own stories. I also pray you will have a great one!

It took Brian and I five years and MUCH prodding from Teresa to have Jaiden. We had given up that we'd ever have a baby together. And you see our blog filled with pictures of our 3 month son that we adore more than life.

I always wanted my children young, in my 20's. But God had different plans. But I do believe, that because we waited so long and had to try so hard, that we appreciate him so much. We love and admire every single smile, giggle, and diaper.

It's natural to worry...because we truly don't know what our future stories hold. If my grama were alive, she'd say "Bree, Don't borrow trouble. Worry about that struggle when it presents itself. Until then, it doesn't do any good anyways."

Bree said...

Thank you ladies! It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in my thoughts.

And Donna, I LOVE your grandma's saying. SO TRUE.