Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Why Ya Gotta Be So Mean

Have you heard Taylor Swift's new song Mean?  You haven't?  Take a gander at the video.  I'll wait.

Okay, back?  I love this song.  Adore it.  I mean who hasn't had someone in their life that is just MEAN.  "Pointing out my flaws like I don't already see them."  Someone who wants to go on and on and on about the bad parts of your personality but never willing to acknowledge they might just be little off too.  And aren't there some people you just want to say this to?

The last few months I've become very clear on a few things.  I'm trying very hard to look inward this year and make myself better.  I've found myself in a few situations that have had me questioning myself, the way I present myself and the way I treat others.  I've definitely been to blame in part or whole in some of the situations.  In others, I have not.  And I'm learning to stand up for myself in a much different way.

I've come to realize that being me and standing up for who I am doesn't need to be a huge production.  It doesn't need to be a loud demonstration.  Well, sometimes it does, but most of the time it doesn't.  Sometimes it is very simply removing yourself from a situation or changing the way you deal with the situation.  Sometimes it is be honest and frank about how the person has hurt you.  And sometimes it is just being quiet and walking away.

But I've also found that sometimes that mean person just needs a little grace.  I don't know their day.  Maybe I came along at just the wrong time.  So learning to stretch myself and forgive a hurt might help us both.  That's the hard lesson.  Learning to forgive the one's you expect to treat you the best.  Because don't we all do it?  Go after our nearest and dearest with our worst behavior sometimes?  If I'm not the perfect friend how can I expect others to be?  I've been forgiven my bad behaviors and sharp tongue, so shouldn't I extend the same?

The lesson for me is learning to apply this all.  Learning to stand up for myself without teaching others that it is okay to treat me badly.  Without being a bully about it.  I think this is so important because I want my son to grow up and see me lead by example.  I want him to see me deal with the mean in a way that inspires him.  I want him to stand up for himself, but know that sometimes that mean person might just need a little grace.

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me,
You, have knocked me off my feet again,
Got me feeling like I’m nothing.
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded.
You, pickin’ on the weaker man.

Well you can take me down,
With just one single blow.
But you don’t know, what you don’t know,

Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides,
And your walk by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again,
As if I don’t already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause I’ll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed around,
Somebody made you cold,
But the cycle ends right now,
You can’t lead me down that road,
You don’t know, what you don’t know

Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar,
Talking over a football game,
With that same big loud opinion but,
Nobody’s listening,
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things,
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing.

But all you are is mean,
All you are is mean.
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life,
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Yeah,
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so ?
Someday, I’ll be, living in a big old city,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Yeah,
Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

34 Things I Know to be True

When going through my reader tonight I came across a post by one of my favorite new bloggers and was totally inspired.  So here is my list.  34 things that I have learned in the last 34 years.

1.  I'm only as pretty as I think I am.
2.  My dad is the kindest, gentlest soul I know.
3.  My mom will always tell me the truth, be my biggest cheerleader and fight anyone who is mean to me.
4.  Sometimes you have to walk away from people.
5.  You can't be friends with everyone.  All you can hope for is to be adult when you are around them.
6.  People will hurt you.  People you never thought would.  And it will hurt bad.  But they are human too.  And you have hurt them.  So forgive them.
7.  You teach people how to treat you.  Accepting their humanness (see #6) is one thing, allowing them to be mean to you to make themselves feel better is unacceptable.
8.  You will not be the perfect mom.  Ever.  But you will do the best you can.
9.  I love food.  And I refuse to not enjoy it.
10.  Being patient is hard.  It is a life-long lesson.  Deal with it.
11.  Don't be afraid to get crazy with your hair.  You can always dye it brown.
12.  Family matter.  Always.
13.  Always pack 2 extra pairs of underwear and socks.  Trust me, you will use them.
14.  Never change for someone else.  But learn when it is time to take a look at yourself and see if you might need some tweaking.
15.  Take a lot of pictures.  You will be grateful for them later.
16.  Life is 90% awesome.  Yes, sometimes it is hard but that makes the awesome times all the more awesome.
17.  I'm a better mom than I thought I would be.
18.  I'm a better wife than I thought I would be.
19.  Working out is an escape.  It's the one thing I do for myself.  Never thought I would say that.
20.  Money isn't everything.  But be smart with it or it will make life even harder.
21.  Mom's meatloaf will always be the best.
22.  Books are still your friends.  Don't forget to lose yourself in one.
23.  Sometimes you just need to give in to the ugly cry.
24.  Go after your dreams.  No one is going to hand them to you.
25.  It's hard to be mad when your kid grins at you.
26.  Date night is not just important, it is essential.
27.  Invest in your friends.  The good one's will give it back to you ten-fold.
28.  Sometimes wine and chocolate really do solve all your problems.
29.  Hearing your kid laugh will change your world.
30.  Take your vitamins.
31.  The only person that cares about how dirty your house is is you.  Let it go.
32.  The hardest part about motherhood is the monotony.  You do the same things at least 5 times a day.
33.  Don't neglect you relationship with your husband after your kid.  Your kid will leave and then what will you be left with?
34.  Get more sleep.  You need it.

What would you put on your list?

Thursday, December 30, 2010


2010 is coming to the end.  It's been quite a year.  Mostly it has been the most amazing, life-changing year of my life.  Clearly the biggest thing that has happened is that I have become a mother.  It has changed me in ways I never thought imaginable.  It has changed my life, my marriage, my relationships in ways I never thought possible.    It is amazing to me that this little butterball of pink skin can shake my world to its core.  To watch the world come alive through his eyes and to experience the little things of life all over again.  I knew I would love him.  Adore him even.  What I didn't understand is that my love for him would change me.  That it would bring out my best and expose my worst.

Loving Jackson has brought out a gentler side in me.  It's funny because I never thought I was the housewife type until I got married and then I turned into my version of June Cleaver.  I always knew I wanted to be a mom but the mom I envisioned myself as was not the mom I think I am.  I feel better at this then I thought I would be.  I worried it I would have trouble fitting into the role but from the first moment I held him we belonged to each other and I could figure out what he needed.

That isn't to say there hasn't been plenty of cringe-worthy, I-just-lost-mommy-of-the-year award moments.  There has.  Some that I'm very, very glad have been just between him and I and no one was around.  But even in those moments when I know I have behaved my worst he turns and he smiles at me and I know all is forgiven.  And let me tell you, no one can forgive you like a child.  If only we adults could learn to let it go like they do.

Being a mother has also brought out or at least reminded me that there are definitely areas in my life I need to focus on.  Things about myself that I need to learn to love, learn to let go of and finally learn how to deal with. There are things I have pushed down and pushed aside because I just didn't want to deal with it, but I have come to realize that just isn't acceptable anymore.  I'm a mother.  I'm someone's example.  I'm someone who is guiding another's life.  What I do, say and behave like will forever impact who he will become.  How can I possibly instill self esteem in my son if I lack it?  How can I give him confidence if I don't show it?  The old saying of "do what I say, not what I do" is so false.  While kids do pay attention to what we say, more than anything they follow the examples of our behavior.  I know I can't and won't be perfect but I want to be the best version of me I can be.

So with 2010 in my rearview mirror and all the highs and lows that came with it I'm walking towards 2011 with high expectations.  This coming year is about me.  And that sounds incredibly selfish.  But frankly I CAN'T care about that.  These days are going fast.  I don't want to waste them worrying about damage I've done.  I want to use them to be the very best version of myself.  And not just for the boy, but for ME, for my husband.  We all deserve the very best of Bree.  I deserve to feel worthy DESPITE my age, weight, life choices or anything else I allow people to judge me by.  My husband deserves to have a woman by his side that helps him, stands beside him, lifts him up and makes him someone to be proud of.  My boy deserves a mom that can back up the confidence, can teach him love, loyalty and forgiveness.  2011 is about me becoming the woman I should be so I can teach my son how to be the man he can be.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

This Is Your Life

I saw this on someone else's blog and I just had to show it to you.  I LOVE this.  I want to blow it up and put it right on my wall where I would see it every single day.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Hourglass - Mindy Gledhill

I heard this first on Nienie Dialogues.  This perfectly describes how I am feeling.

Hourglass by Mindy Gledhill

Little boy, when you speak
I can’t help but kiss your cheeks
I love the way you grab my hands
And tell me all about your plans

Rocket high, comets fly
You and I could take a ride
And fly away to Neverland
And give our best to Peter Pan

When you reach for the stars
Don’t forget who you are
And please don’t turn around and grow up way too fast
See the sand in my grasp
From the first to the last
Every grain becomes a memory of the past
Oh, life’s an hourglass
Life’s an hourglass

Story’s read, prayer is said
Close your eyes sleepyhead
While angels linger in your dreams
And hold you in their feathered wings
Just like you, I was small
Not that long ago at all
I wish you all the happiness
That God gives freely if you ask 

Friday, August 20, 2010

Blogger Silence

I had no intention of taking a blogging break.  But I have and I am.  I'm enjoying this summer of mine and find myself busier than I ever imagined hanging out with family and friends, playing in the pool, taking little mini vacations.  Plus I felt so stagnant in my writing.  Boring, boring, boring.  But I promise to be back soon.  Right after I get done hanging out with this kid.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Summer Vacation

I got my first job at 14.  I worked for a balloon company making fun little balloon bouquets.  I felt very important.  I've been working every year since then.  I worked part-time during high school, part-time during the college school year, full-time every college summer.  Basically I haven't had a summer off since I was 13.  Until this year.
This year I'm unemployed with a baby all my own.  We have been here, there and everywhere.  We've been to So Cal, the Bay Area and just about every corner of our hometown.  And I'm loving it.
I told my hubby the other day that I fully intended to take full advantage of this summer.  When will I ever have the chance again to just hang out with my friends, cuddle with my boy, work on my tan, take a nap in the middle of the day and visit my friends and family?  Probably never again I'm thinking.
So I'm going to enjoy this summer.  I'm going to soak up the sun and teach my boy to the love the water.  I'm going to spend leisurely days laughing with my friends and talking about absolutely nothing.  And I'm going to have lots of family dinners.  This might be my most favorite summer ever.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Bucket List

There are lots of things I want to do before I grow up.  Some of things I'm pretty sure will never happen but its fun to dream.  One of the things that I would absolutely not turn down the opportunity to do is to be a part of a Flash Mob.  I swear every time I watch these videos I cry because of the pure joy.  This one especially makes me happy because HELLO!  GLEEEEEEEE!  So if you hear of a Flash Mob coming  your way let me know and I can cross it off my bucket list.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


Repeat as needed.  And its needed a lot of late.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Brain Dump

I'm sitting in a dark hotel watching my son and my hubby sleep.  Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed by the love I feel for them. They are truly the best part of my life.  Our boy is already growing by leaps and bounds.  He is rolling over now.  On purpose.  And he has started teething.  At least that's what I'm blaming the cranky's my usually good natured boy has had on.


We have come to Southern CA for my Grandmother's funeral.  I'm not looking forward to tomorrow when we have the viewing.  I love being with my family but not under these circumstances.  I do know that if Grandpa and Grandma were with us they would have such a great time with all the teasing and laughter that goes on.  Losing Grandma makes me miss Grandpa.


I have made some amazingly good friends at my Mommy & Me group.  Who knew a hospital would be the place that I would meet some pretty awesome ladies that I know I will be friends with for a very long time?  They support they offer up, the advice and comfort they give are worth more than I thought was possible.  I'm so grateful for these strong, beautiful women that have become a part of my life.


I find myself being stretched these days.  I believe I'm being taught patience.  Such a fun lesson to learn.  Sometimes it seems at every turn I encounter a situation that requires me to stop and think.  I will sure be glad when this lesson is over.


Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple of days and we go through this sad process of letting beautiful, wonderful matriarch rest in peace.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Jackson is waking up.  He is getting to point where he is staying awake a little longer and noticing things around him.  And everything is a treat, an amazing wonder.  As I watch him, eyes wide open, take in his expanding world I find myself looking around in wonder too.  As I do jazz hands above his head he stares at them as if they are the most amazing thing he has ever seen.  Every person that says hello is someone new that deserves to be studied and given a grin. The toys hanging above his head are carefully watched.  And his reflection is the favorite of all! I often wonder what he is thinking because he is concentrating so hard on all these new things.  It makes me excited too to show him all my favorite things.  The big blue sky.  A red tulip.  The ocean.  The sand.  Lightening.  A rainbow.  And I'm excited to see these things through his eyes too.  To see them again for the first time.  There is nothing like the wonder of a child to bring the child out in you.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Happenings

We have been busy, busy, busy here in the BWildered household.  Here's what has been going on:

1.  Last Tuesday Jackson got his first round of shots.  He cried, I cried.  He was a little cranky for a few days but overall we did good.
2.  Three days after his shots I took him on his first roadtrip.  Just me and the boy.  Unfortunately Hubby had to work.  The driving was fine, the staying somewhere else not so much. 
3.  Our sleeping is totally and completely screwed up right now.  I'm trying to get us back on a schedule but we seem to be really struggling with that because,
4.  I think we are going through a growth spurt.  The boy has been downing bottles when given them.  I'm hoping my body will catch up with him soon!

I've got lots of pictures to process and show you so I'm hoping to have all that for you this weekend! Have a good one!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Pushing Through

It's been 10 whole days since you've heard from me.  I will give you 3 guesses what I've been doing!  Been buried under baby clothes and diapers! 

Last week was rough.  ROUGH.  Jackson wasn't feeling too good for a couple of days.  Lots of gas thanks to the eating habits of his momma!  Yea me.  (cue Mommy Guilt)  Then it all seemed to go downhill from there.  It was just a frustrating and hard week.  And honestly I didn't want to get on here and continue to complain.  But Thursday things started turning around.  Thanks to an really good Mommy & Me meeting and lunch AND I got my hair done that night.  That's right, I left baby and daddy to fend for themselves for three and half hours.  It was heaven.  And also nerve racking.  But we all survived.  Daddy and Jackson did well and momma came back feeling a bit like her old self.

The weather has also been really nice here which I think definitely helps the mood.  There is just something about sunshine that heals the soul.  I'm not looking forward to the dreariness and rain we have coming our way next week but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. 

All in all we are making it.  We learn something every day and our figuring out how to make our little family work.  And nothing beats rolling over in the morning to the big smile of a six week old who is just so happy you even say his name.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Our Claim to Fame

When we moved to our little town in 1994 there was a lovely family across the street that had kids right around my brothers age and younger. Nicest family in the world. Two of their sons were in high school the same time as my brother and we have all watched each other grow up. Now one of those kids has grown up to become none other than, Austin Collie. That's right folks, we lived across the street from a real live football star. The news interviewed my mom last Sunday after the big win. I think it's safe to say we all think it's pretty cool that the kid next door is going to the big game. And for that very reason. . .GO COLTS! (PS my mom is the pretty lady!)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Let it Snow

I can hardly believe it but it actually snowed here last night! It's already melting and melting quickly but it sure is beautiful.





Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I have a blog? WHAAAAAAT?

Oh hai!  'Member me?  I totally forgot I had a blog.  Completely slipped my mind.  My bad.

So let's see.  Update, update. 

I'm 25 weeks along at this point.  And apparently the hugest 6-month along pregnant woman anyone has ever seen.  Or so I'm told my random coworkers whom I've never even had a conversation with.  Let me ask you. . .if you are a woman and you have ever had a child, what in your blessed mind thinks I want to hear you tell me how huge I am and am I having twins and goodness I have so much farther to go I'm going to be humongous?  Bless your hearts.

Jackson is coming along splendidly so I'm told.  I'm measuring just as I should be and my little munchkin likes to let me know he is still there and hanging out.  He is VERY low.  Crazy low in my opinion.  The only place I ever feel my little pumpkin head is right between my hips bones.  Sometimes I think he might just kick his way through!  I am finding that I feel him a lot more frequently on the weekends.  I think it is because that's when I'm laying around more or maybe it's just because I'm NOT stressed.

Changes are abounding everywhere.  There is some major stuff going on at work.  Which isn't stressful AT ALL of course.  Basically at this point there is nothing to report other than there might be some changes and we have no idea when those might happen or how they might happen.  Which being the control freak I am of course makes me not at all ready to pull out my hair.

Fall seems to have finally fallen here.  It's chilly.  And I'm digging it.  Fall is my most favorite time of the year.  There is something about crisp fall mornings and the changing of the colors.  And now I can break out all my pumpkin candles. Plus it means Christmas is only a few months away!

Okay so I think we are all caught up now.  I totally blame pregnancy brain for forgetting all about you.  My apologies.  Hopefully we can keep it from happening again.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009







There is a lot going on right now. I can't share it all with you now. But it's seriously jacking my pregnancy emotions into overdrive. I sat at my desk today as my day wound down progressively getting worse and worse I flip-flopped from furious to tears. It's very rare that I get mad enough or broken down enough to end up in tears in my actual office but it took everything I had in me today to not just sit in my chair and bawl. I need some answers to these questions to relieve some of this pressure. Until then I'm going to gulp hot chocolate and pretend it's a mudslide.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Here we are a whole week later and I haven't written a single thing. And I would apologize but quite frankly people, I'm beat. This growing a kid inside of your body is quite exhausting. Also, it makes you very hungry.

Things I have experienced so far:
-Extreme and utter exhaustion. I mean I have put myself to bed at 9 p.m. And for those of you that know me that is SO not normal.
-EMOTIONAL. Hello roller coaster. One day I was SO tired I was crying about it. Luckily I gave hubby a heads up before I totally broke down.
-All food is like Chinese food. I can stuff myself and a mere hour later I'm thinking, "Hmmm. I could really go for a banana."
-Fruit is the nectar of the gods. I am not a huge fruit eater normally but it tastes so sweet to me right now.
-"Morning" sickness doesn't always happen in the morning. I find that if I do feel sick it is usually first thing in the morning and right before dinner. Thus the constant eating in hopes it stays away.
-HELLO DREAMER. Can we talk about the CRAZY and vivid dreams of a pregnant person? HOLY COW. And I am dreaming about things that I have never in my life dreamt about before!
-Worry. I WANT this baby. I want to be a good mother. I want a healthy kid. I want hubby to not get lost in the shuffle. I want the perfect job. I don't want to screw up.

Next week I go to meet my doctor and have my first ultra-sound. And yes, I know it is the internal ultra-sound (EWWWWWWWWW). I've been going back and forth about how much to write about this pregnancy thing. On one hand I think it should be a lot like writing about marriage. I don't think you should only write how great marriage is. It's unrealistic and I think it gives single people the wrong idea. I don't think you should air all your dirty laundry but you should certainly be honest. So I feel that way about pregnancy. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing. And amazing for sure. But it has some not so fun side-effects as well. As a first time pregnant women I would rather go into it with my eyes wide open than be surprised. But maybe that's just me.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Catching up

Okay, so because I've been such a bad blogger I have a few things to catch up on. The last couple of weeks have been CRAZY with events and such so I'm going to play catch up this week! Be prepared to be flooded with photos friends!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I'm a bad blogger. And I know it.

Let's see, what excuse can I come up with this? Um, heat? It's been DREADFULLY hot here. I seriously hate Sacramento weather. Come to think of it, I'm not all that fond of Sacramento itself. It's one step up from Fresno, which is one step up from Bakersfield. There is NOTHING here. Other than the Governator that is. And the crappy Kings. Winters are torrential downpours, summers are fry-your-bones hot. Phooey.

And by they way HOW do you spell "phooey"? Cuz that ain't right. (this bad grammar brought to you specifically for Michelle and Girly Muse.)

In other news my life is one big bundle of busy. People keep telling me that I'm the busiest person they know. This does not make me proud. I really need to learn to stay no. I seriously don't want to be one of those people that is always SO BUSY.

Next topic, American Idol. THE UNTHINKABLE HAS HAPPENED. I had to shot an engagement session last night so I set the DVR. And by the hand of my hubby (I'm 99% sure this is what has happened) or the evil of my DVR IT WAS NOT RECORDED. Which means my friends that I missed exactly two episodes of AI this year. The best year ever. I will be watching the finale though. GO KRIS!

Okay, enough of this ramble. Just wanted you to know I was alive. And I missed you. I'm missing a few of my friends lately. When did we get too busy for each other?