Saturday, May 29, 2010

Brain Dump

I'm sitting in a dark hotel watching my son and my hubby sleep.  Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed by the love I feel for them. They are truly the best part of my life.  Our boy is already growing by leaps and bounds.  He is rolling over now.  On purpose.  And he has started teething.  At least that's what I'm blaming the cranky's my usually good natured boy has had on.


We have come to Southern CA for my Grandmother's funeral.  I'm not looking forward to tomorrow when we have the viewing.  I love being with my family but not under these circumstances.  I do know that if Grandpa and Grandma were with us they would have such a great time with all the teasing and laughter that goes on.  Losing Grandma makes me miss Grandpa.


I have made some amazingly good friends at my Mommy & Me group.  Who knew a hospital would be the place that I would meet some pretty awesome ladies that I know I will be friends with for a very long time?  They support they offer up, the advice and comfort they give are worth more than I thought was possible.  I'm so grateful for these strong, beautiful women that have become a part of my life.


I find myself being stretched these days.  I believe I'm being taught patience.  Such a fun lesson to learn.  Sometimes it seems at every turn I encounter a situation that requires me to stop and think.  I will sure be glad when this lesson is over.


Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple of days and we go through this sad process of letting beautiful, wonderful matriarch rest in peace.

Saturday, May 15, 2010


My grandma is dying.  There is no other way to say that than just say it.  She will probably be leaving us in the next few days.

Back in March we went to Bakersfield to visit her to say our goodbye's.  We were told then that it probably would happen in the next 3 months.  At the time when they said that I thought, "Okay, that's some time.  I can see her a few more times."  I just realized it's already been 2 months.  I guess they were right on the timing.

This is my Dad's mom and his last living parent.  As sad as I am right now I'm even more sad for him.  My Grandpa died in 2007 just two months before I got married.  Grandma really started going downhill after that.  It was really sad because she would forget he had passed and everytime she remembered it was like it had just happened all over again.  Since then she has progressively gotten worse.  It's not even her health that has been so terrible but she just isn't there anymore.

When I saw her in March she couldn't keep track of who we all were.  My dad says she will mistake him a lot for one of her brothers.  So even though I was saying my goodbye's it was like she was already gone.  She's not the woman I remember growing up. 

She's not the woman who took two little girls right into her family and treated us as if we had always been there.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised too much by that because that's exactly what my dad did and he had to have learned that love from somewhere.  I remember driving to Grandma and Grandpa's late at night and our parents would carry us in and lay us on the pallet they made for us on the ground.  Then in the morning we would hear Grandma and Dad singing in the kitchen while they made breakfast.  And she would hug and kiss on us and tell us how happy she was to have us there. 

I'm going to miss her but I know that where she is going she is going to be herself and so much happier.  Plus she is going to be with Grandpa.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all my mommy friends.  I GET it now.  Really and truly.  And to my own momma, all the sacrifices you made and the example you set, thank you for it all.  I love you even more now.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Three Months

Dear Jackson,
Three months.  Twelve weeks.  Eighty-four days old.  It's already flying by and I want it to slow down.

You found your hands this month and you constantly suck on them.  You suck on them so loud Daddy and I laugh at your slurping noises.  You also discovered your reflection this month.  You think you are one handsome devil and do so enjoy looking at yourself in the mirror.  Even when you are crying!

You are becoming more of a Daddy's boy.  Everyday when he gets home from work you just light up and get so excited to see him.  You spend the next couple of hours hanging out together, laughing and talking and napping.  Daddy is better at getting you to go to sleep during the day than I am!

Today as I sat in Mommy & Me (which we LOVE and have made lots of friends) you were sleeping in my arms and I picked up your little chubby arm and just starting kissing on it.  Megan saw me and smiled and I told her, "Sometimes I just can't help it.  I just want to eat him up."

Speaking of Mommy & Me you are really starting to notice the other kids now.  You just stare at them.  It's as if you are unsure if they are a relection or new kids!

You are such a dear, cuddly little man and I love you so much.  Being with you everyday is the best use of my time.

Monday, May 3, 2010

All the Small Things

I love every little part. 
Every toe and finger.
  Every nail and hair.
  Every kissable cheek and squeezable thigh.
 I love every part of you my boy.