So I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day (Shut Up Shari). She is fairly newly married herself. Only about 2 years in. Anyway we were talking about being married and how things change including your expectation of yourself, your spouses expectations of you, etc. Anyone that knows me knows that I have always been the career girl. I've always been too busy to worry about cooking, baking or anything of that nature. I was climbing the ladder and fighting the crowds to get to the top.
But what happens when you get married? I find myself suddenly under this pressure to be the perfect little Wifey. And it comes from no where in particular. It's not as if the Hubby is standing over me demanding I be his perfect little homemaker. But I feel it. I feel it everytime someone comes to our little homestead. I want to make sure it is clean and smells good, candles lit and I should have homemade cookies ready for them. In fact when my parents came to visit for the first time I felt SO guilty I didn't have anything to cook for them for dinner. They weren't orginally planning on staying for dinner but I begged them to hang out so they did. It wasn't my fault there wasn't a plan but I seriously felt like a bad hostess!
So where does this pressure come from? I think it's just ingrained in us as women. Sort of like that maternal instinct. I just figured mine was broken after laying dormant for so long. Apparently not so. So I run around doing all my usual stuff but also suddenly trying to be this super Suzy Homemaker with the homemade meals, the perfectly clean house, not a dirty shirt to be found and a happy husband. I'm wondering how long this will last. I wonder if I will lose myself in this shift. I hope not. I kind of like who I've become. I survived my 20's to become someone I really like in my 30's. I don't want to lose that. So I have to find a way to merge my inner Suzy Homemaker with my personality I've always had. I'll let you know how it goes. Right now, I have to make a cake.
1 comment:
I love this post. We're all experiencing it, but no one's talking about it.
The way to not lose yourself is to keep a BIG chunk just for you. Not for your husband or your kids. It's easier said then done, and I've learned this lesson the hard way.
We (women) are born with something men aren't: major guilt and feelings of obligation. Maybe it's what kept the planet going all these years. Because sometimes you really do feel like walking out of the grocery store and leaving your kids inside, yelling and pulling eachother's hair out. It's times like that, the guilt and obligation is needed.
But the rest of the time? We need to just pull back and see that if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! (Mama can be replaced with Wifey, by the way)
Welcome to the married side. If you think this is confusing and conflicting, wait until the stork shows up!
And wouldn't that be nice if that's how babies really came?
You'll be all right, DS! There are lots of ups and downs in marriage and motherhood, but at the end of the day, it is so worth it.
Well, at the end of most days, anyway!
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