Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, December 30, 2010


2010 is coming to the end.  It's been quite a year.  Mostly it has been the most amazing, life-changing year of my life.  Clearly the biggest thing that has happened is that I have become a mother.  It has changed me in ways I never thought imaginable.  It has changed my life, my marriage, my relationships in ways I never thought possible.    It is amazing to me that this little butterball of pink skin can shake my world to its core.  To watch the world come alive through his eyes and to experience the little things of life all over again.  I knew I would love him.  Adore him even.  What I didn't understand is that my love for him would change me.  That it would bring out my best and expose my worst.

Loving Jackson has brought out a gentler side in me.  It's funny because I never thought I was the housewife type until I got married and then I turned into my version of June Cleaver.  I always knew I wanted to be a mom but the mom I envisioned myself as was not the mom I think I am.  I feel better at this then I thought I would be.  I worried it I would have trouble fitting into the role but from the first moment I held him we belonged to each other and I could figure out what he needed.

That isn't to say there hasn't been plenty of cringe-worthy, I-just-lost-mommy-of-the-year award moments.  There has.  Some that I'm very, very glad have been just between him and I and no one was around.  But even in those moments when I know I have behaved my worst he turns and he smiles at me and I know all is forgiven.  And let me tell you, no one can forgive you like a child.  If only we adults could learn to let it go like they do.

Being a mother has also brought out or at least reminded me that there are definitely areas in my life I need to focus on.  Things about myself that I need to learn to love, learn to let go of and finally learn how to deal with. There are things I have pushed down and pushed aside because I just didn't want to deal with it, but I have come to realize that just isn't acceptable anymore.  I'm a mother.  I'm someone's example.  I'm someone who is guiding another's life.  What I do, say and behave like will forever impact who he will become.  How can I possibly instill self esteem in my son if I lack it?  How can I give him confidence if I don't show it?  The old saying of "do what I say, not what I do" is so false.  While kids do pay attention to what we say, more than anything they follow the examples of our behavior.  I know I can't and won't be perfect but I want to be the best version of me I can be.

So with 2010 in my rearview mirror and all the highs and lows that came with it I'm walking towards 2011 with high expectations.  This coming year is about me.  And that sounds incredibly selfish.  But frankly I CAN'T care about that.  These days are going fast.  I don't want to waste them worrying about damage I've done.  I want to use them to be the very best version of myself.  And not just for the boy, but for ME, for my husband.  We all deserve the very best of Bree.  I deserve to feel worthy DESPITE my age, weight, life choices or anything else I allow people to judge me by.  My husband deserves to have a woman by his side that helps him, stands beside him, lifts him up and makes him someone to be proud of.  My boy deserves a mom that can back up the confidence, can teach him love, loyalty and forgiveness.  2011 is about me becoming the woman I should be so I can teach my son how to be the man he can be.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

There's Love There

I may not have voted for him. I may not have agreed with everything that he said but what I did always take notice is that President Obama and his wife Michelle are always very affectionate and truly seemed to love each other. At the Inaugral Ball Beyonce performed "At Last" while the President and First Lady danced. I tried to find a good copy of the video but YouTube failed me so check it out here. There's true love there friends.

Monday, November 17, 2008

One year, 12 months, 365 days

My love,

Exactly one year ago you and I stood before a congregation of our friends and family and pledged our love. We promised to stand together through the good and the bad and to always love each other. We said I do and decided then to walk together for the rest of our lives.
A mere 365 days ago.

I clearly remember our vows, thanks to Michelle's advice. I concentrated so hard on you and your eyes and what you were saying. And when it was my turn my heart soared and I knew in that moment I was secure and where I belonged. You squeezed my hands as you repeated your vows. Do you remember that? And your gaze didn't shift for a moment. You stared hard into my eyes and I felt like I could see our future. When it was my turn I spoke as clearly as I could. I wanted to be sure that they all heard. That they were all witnesses of my love and dedication. They were there to see us start our journey.
photo by Memory Journalists

This past year has been interesting to say the least. We've moved twice, lost jobs, transferred job, found jobs, moved in with my folks and have lived practically on top of each other. It hasn't always been fun, but the good has so far out weighed the bad. Do remember laying on the couch laughing at Georgia spaz out? Do you remember our disasterous Valentine's day? What about that SUPER SPICY steak? I wouldn't trade these memories for anything in the world. You are my best friend. When I'm upset I just want to be in your arms. When something funny happens, you are the first person I want to tell about it. There is no where else I would rather be then wrapped up in your arms.

Photo by Memory Journalists .

This coming year is going to be very interesting for us. The new jobs, moving yet one more time (hopefully for awhile!) and whatever else may come our way. Being in SF this past month has just solidified for me my love for you. I miss you daily, sometimes by the minute. And I appreciate you more. I know that whatever is ahead of us may challenge us but we can deal with it. I can deal with anything if I know that you are there.

Photo by Memory Journalists.

When people ask me about you, us and our future I think of our wedding day. The morning before specifically. I was at my mom's house surrounded by all my girls and little things were going wrong here and there. People around me were crying and freaking out at different moments, but not me. I couldn't stop smiling. I remember dad talking to me and asking me how I was. I told him I was great, excited and so happy. He told me I seemed so calm. I looked at him and said, "Of course! What's to worry about? I'm making the best decision of my life!"

I love you with all my heart. I can't wait for the next 365. Happy Anniversary.

Monday, August 18, 2008

9 Months

Dear Hubby,

Today we have been married 9 months. We spent the day our usual Sunday Way. Hanging out, TV, Olmpics, movies, Taco Bell and an easy dinner of Sloppy Joe's.

This weekend we were at a wedding. As I watched my cousins take their vows I thought about ours. For better, for worse. For richer, for poor. In sickness and in health. To love, honor and cherish. As I watched them stand in the place that we stood a mere 9 months ago I was overwhelmed by love and emotion.

You and I were meant to be. I know that. You stand up to me. You believe in me. You are secure in yourself. You are laid back enough for the both of us. You truly are the "cheese to my macaroni."

These last 9 months have not all been pure bliss. There has been the moves and now the loss of my job. There has been the adjustment of living with someone with whom you have never shared a space before and learning to be dependent. It hasn't always been what we thought but in some ways it has surpassed everything we thought it would be. You are truly my best friend, my confidant, my love, my sounding board, and my biggest cheerleader. You have held me while I cried, laughed at me with Georgia and yelled at me when I've been pig-headed. I love you more than I could have ever imagined. I longed for this place of comfort but was unsure I would ever get here.

Thank you. Thank you for loving me and fighting with me and believing in me and CHOOSING me. As exciting as the last 9 months have been I can only imagine how the next 90 years will be! I look forward to what the next chapter holds for us. We are on our way and I feel safer knowing you are by my side.



P.S. Jen, thanks for giving us a way to relive our day over and over again. You gave us the memories we so wanted to have.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

To Mr. BWildered

We did it! We made it 6 months! Ah, married bliss. Sometimes it feels like 6 years. And sometimes it feels like 6 minutes.
The last six months have shown me that we totally made the right choice in choosing each other. For all our differences we are perfectly fitted. The things that can drive us crazy about each other also drive us closer together.
To quote one of my new favorite movies, "He is the ying to my yang. The cheese to my macaroni." I sure do heart you Mr. BWildered. Here's to the next 60 years.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Love is a battlefield

Ah, married life. The joining of two hearts and minds into one. And the joining of two people's stuff, baggage, attitudes, blah, blah, blah. When you have two people that have two very different opinions of how they should behave and what they should do, level of cleanliness, what is appropriate behavior, etc. . .well, it can get ugly. I felt that when I was getting married I had a very realistic idea of how things should be considering I have many friends and a sister that are married and they have all been very vocal about marriage and what is true and what is not. So I felt somewhat prepared to deal with the fact that we are two very different people with different ideas on how to deal with things. What I WASN'T prepared for was the fact that there is NO WHERE TO GO! That's right. I'm stuck. Having never lived together before we haven't had to experience this. But we are now. And my friends, this two bedroom at times feels like a very small square box. So the lessons in married life continue. Next week's lesson. . .I'm sure it will be interesting.