Thursday, March 19, 2009


Sorry kids, but this is sober post #2. I'm in a mood.

I hate my job. H-A-T-E. GRATEFUL for the income. And obviously now, in this world, this economy, this is no time to get picky and high and mighty, stomp my feet and quit. I wouldn't anyway. I'm not the sort. Even if I hate a job I stick it out for at least a year so it doesn't look quit so bad on the resume and I don't look like a job hopper. That's just me.

So here I am. Hating the day to day. Which WEARS on you. My boss was gone for 2 weeks and it was the most blissful two weeks of the entire time at this job. And now that he is back the fireworks have begun again. I'm a pretty smart person. Not a genius, but I catch on pretty quick with a little guidance. And I'm a darn good sales person. This I know. I like people, I like helping them, I like making the connection. But what I don't like is feeling like I'm being set up. And that's what it feels like. I feel like I'm being set up for failure. With rules and expectations and the general lack of guidance it just feels like they are sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to fail. This does not sit well with me. Now they got my ego involved.

I've had a few people tell me, "Oh you shouldn't take it so personal." But doesn't that just mean it's not personal TO YOU? It's very personal to me. This is ME. Trust me I DO get that businesses have to make money and they have to look out for number one. I get that. But at the expense of those they supposedly hire because they can't do the job without them? I have worked very hard to get where I am. Every job has been a step up. Every movement a promotion. Every decision analyzed to figure out what is best for my career. Honestly it wasn't until I met Hubs that I even cared too much about anything but furthering my career. I went to school. I dedicated myself. I graduated with high marks. I have proved myself over and over again. So yes, I take it personal when I feel that I'm being set up to fail.

Here's the other thing. For all my love of my career? Honestly, I'm over it. There has been a shift in me since my Hubby came into my life. A shift from always looking out for number one to caring more about my family than the next big promotion. So dealing with all this crap just isn't worth it to me anymore. I'm worn. Seriously tired. And I just don't see how it is worth it anymore.

HOWEVER, this time of discontent has presented me with some very interesting opportunities. I feel like I'm really defining what I want to do. I have a hard time imagining myself as someone who will have babies and stay home. I admire those that do. I'm grateful everyday for my momma being able to do that. But it's not in my nature. I NEED something to do. Something that stretches me and challenges me. So as I go through this time of yuck I'm really starting to see a clearer and clearer path of what it is that I'm meant to do.

So I guess I'm grateful? And tired. And over it. But GRATEFUL. Because for everything there is a season. And this is mine. This is my stretching time. My defining moment. Well, this year's defining moment anyway. So head down, blocking out the negativity and I'm marching ahead. Because there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Right? And I'm headed towards that dream.


Michelle, Queen of Everything said...

I'm sorry. Tom has been in sales for about ten years now and I know how much it sucks. It pretty much sucks all the time and the only time it doesn't is when you get a fat commission check. And, uh, what is that anyway? Commission? We haven't seen any for years. Ugh.

And why, why, why does management seem to be conspiring against the people who bring them the business in the first place? I'll never get it. They treat them like crap, but they need them to exist. I know Tom will be happy when he's out of sales.

I'm happy for you that you have an idea of what you want to do. And knowing you don't want to be a stay-at-home mom is good! Knowing what you want puts you ahead of the game.

You know I'd love to know what your dream is. I think it's great that you have a goal, something to look forward to. I am going to be 35 in a few months (gulp) and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Good for you!

I hope you get everything you're working toward. You deserve it!

Shawnna said...

Hi Bree- I just couldn't pass up the oppurtunity to comment on a couple of things you have said. #1. When you have children you ARE doing something. #2. You ARE being stretched. #3. You ARE being's only because you haven't had them yet that you don't see this. Take it from someone who never was much of a kid person and never really had some great urge to have a whole passel of them myself. It was THE best, most challenging, most stretching, most "get out of myself" experience I've EVER had! Just my two cents worth of you lots.
P.S. If you put your kids in daycare I will come through the computer and absolutely STRANGLE you! LOL.

Bree said...

I'm sorry you were offended by what I said. Please understand it was not meant to be offensive in any shape or form. Simply my thoughts. Being a stay-at-home mom is a WONDERFUL thing. Like I said, I was grateful that my mom was there and my sister is an AMAZING mother. However, that being said and knowing myself as intimately as I do I feel very confident in saying that it isn't for me. This isn't to say I have no intention of being at home, but just that I will also be finding additional ways to challenge myself. Whether that be a traditional job or the making of my dream. I don't really think that it has much to do with be a "kid" person. I actually love kids. My nieces are my favorite people in the world. And I have every confidence that being a mother will stretch me in ways unimaginable. But in my opinion I think I will be even a BETTER mother for continually trying to chase my dreams.

Thanks for the comment. I appreciate the discussion!