No more 8:30 meetings that last 2 hours, sometimes more and say the same thing over and over.  No more 4:30 meetings telling me what a crappy job I'm doing.  No more to-do lists that have 25 plus things on it that I can never quite get through.  No more tears (over this).  No more stress (related to this).  No more feeling like a hamster trapped in a wheel performing the definition of insanity.

Yesterday I got laid off.  And I should be upset.  I should be devastated by it.  But I'm not.  Not even a little bit.  I can't even muster a little regret up.  It was so obviously not the place for me.  And I was there simply because it was a job that paid me.  I cannot even begin to describe you the weight I felt was physically lifted off of me when they told me. 

I have a few ideas of what I'm going to do.  A few plans I want to try to get going.  Mostly I'm going to enjoy these last three months of pregnancy and take this time to ready my house for the arrival of Mr. Jackson.  I'm fully aware at some point I will probably have a freak out about the fact that I don't have a job, but hubby and I are on the same page.  We both feel this is the best thing that could have happened.  When I'm stressed so is he and removing the source of stress is good for both of us.  We are going to be okay.  Actually better than okay.  We are going to be great.  I just feel it.  So congrats to me for getting out of the rat race for a little while!  Think I'll go eat some bon-bons in celebration.
 

A few days ago my sister sent members of our family the following email. It was with me all day. She had a lot of good things to say. I hope it touches you the same way.

Good morning all,
Today I had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you. I was watching the news this morning and heard about the executive from Freddie Mac that committed suicide. It caught my attention and my heart sank to my stomach. My eyes filled up with tears as I thought of his wife and daughter left behind to sort this all out. I immediately thought, what kind of pressure was this poor wealthy man under that would make him end his own life. Is he a man like my husband trying to earn a living and care for his family? He was successful, I am sure had no problem paying his bills, making sure his daughter and wife had all they needed. I had always thought how great these execs must have it, all these great bonuses they are getting, while the rest of us pay for their vacations and trying to make ends meet they are living with a golden spoon in their mouth. Well today I changed my mind. Although it would be great to have extra money in the bank, some bills paid off and financial security, I am not willing to have it at just any cost. It would not be worth it to have all the money in world if it meant losing my family, if it meant my husband to be under such an extreme amount of pressure that he is sick, sick enough to take his own life. This is such a rough economic time for all of us, trying to watch where every penny goes and making sure nothing is unaccounted for. As most of you now J and I are struggling and have been struggling for some time now, but we are not drowning, the weight of this up hill climb is not so much that we can't keep moving forward knowing that one day our hearts desire will be a reality. The reason we can keep going, the reason we have faith that God will provide, is not only because the constant reminder of God's faithfulness is transparent to us everyday but it is also because of all of you, our family and friends. More than ever today I am thankful, for life, for our home, my beautiful and healthy little girls, the health and watchful hand of God over my husband and for the strength to keep going. Money is great, financial stability is something we all strive for, but today I would take the instability, the having to eat bean burritos again for dinner and would be happy to do so if it meant that my family would be happy, healthy and spiritually and emotionally thriving. Today I am grateful for all the little things. The simple pleasures of playing outside with my kids and hearing them laugh. I am grateful for my family immediate and extended, you all make life worth living, you all make our world a more bearable. I love you all and appreciate all you do for J and I and our girls. So I guess the thought for the day is....Don't kill yourself, money is great but its just paper and in comparison to all the other wonderful things we are all rich in, money just can't compare. You, to me, are worth more then all the money in the world and I would not trade this life for anything. I am richer then most because I can call you my family. I love you, have a great day, N

Sorry kids, but this is sober post #2. I'm in a mood.

I hate my job. H-A-T-E. GRATEFUL for the income. And obviously now, in this world, this economy, this is no time to get picky and high and mighty, stomp my feet and quit. I wouldn't anyway. I'm not the sort. Even if I hate a job I stick it out for at least a year so it doesn't look quit so bad on the resume and I don't look like a job hopper. That's just me.

So here I am. Hating the day to day. Which WEARS on you. My boss was gone for 2 weeks and it was the most blissful two weeks of the entire time at this job. And now that he is back the fireworks have begun again. I'm a pretty smart person. Not a genius, but I catch on pretty quick with a little guidance. And I'm a darn good sales person. This I know. I like people, I like helping them, I like making the connection. But what I don't like is feeling like I'm being set up. And that's what it feels like. I feel like I'm being set up for failure. With rules and expectations and the general lack of guidance it just feels like they are sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to fail. This does not sit well with me. Now they got my ego involved.

I've had a few people tell me, "Oh you shouldn't take it so personal." But doesn't that just mean it's not personal TO YOU? It's very personal to me. This is ME. Trust me I DO get that businesses have to make money and they have to look out for number one. I get that. But at the expense of those they supposedly hire because they can't do the job without them? I have worked very hard to get where I am. Every job has been a step up. Every movement a promotion. Every decision analyzed to figure out what is best for my career. Honestly it wasn't until I met Hubs that I even cared too much about anything but furthering my career. I went to school. I dedicated myself. I graduated with high marks. I have proved myself over and over again. So yes, I take it personal when I feel that I'm being set up to fail.

Here's the other thing. For all my love of my career? Honestly, I'm over it. There has been a shift in me since my Hubby came into my life. A shift from always looking out for number one to caring more about my family than the next big promotion. So dealing with all this crap just isn't worth it to me anymore. I'm worn. Seriously tired. And I just don't see how it is worth it anymore.

HOWEVER, this time of discontent has presented me with some very interesting opportunities. I feel like I'm really defining what I want to do. I have a hard time imagining myself as someone who will have babies and stay home. I admire those that do. I'm grateful everyday for my momma being able to do that. But it's not in my nature. I NEED something to do. Something that stretches me and challenges me. So as I go through this time of yuck I'm really starting to see a clearer and clearer path of what it is that I'm meant to do.

So I guess I'm grateful? And tired. And over it. But GRATEFUL. Because for everything there is a season. And this is mine. This is my stretching time. My defining moment. Well, this year's defining moment anyway. So head down, blocking out the negativity and I'm marching ahead. Because there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Right? And I'm headed towards that dream.

My very first MJ shot! Aren't Kelly's eyes AMAZING?

First of all these desserts are AMAZING just to look at. SECONDLY, SO GOOD. Check out Sugar and Spice.

So last weekend was my first Photography Bootcamp as team member of Memory Journalists. Jen hold classes with the photographers to train us on the proper use of our cameras and how to basically take better pictures. It was really cool, very informative and a whole lot of fun. We got to practice shooting each other and then some AMAZING little desserts. After our class we had the MJ Christmas party. This is the second one I have been to and these little shindigs are always a blast. Nothing like hanging out with the cool crowd!

The MJ team (minus Teresa & Tina).

And in even bigger news. . .Congrats NJ on your engagement! Let the games begin!

(So I'm a little behind in posts but I'm going to keep going! This is for the week of October 26th to November 1st.)

One more more week down only about 5 more to go! Actually this was a really good week. I took a little bit easier this week and didn't try to do every little thing every single day and it made for a much more relaxing week. I even actually hung out in my apartment! GASP!

So since I'm going to be having this little adventure in SF for the next two months I thought we would take this journey together. My little play on words is courtesy of my pal, TU. She's a funny gal. I won't be able to post as often as I would like while I'm there but I promise to always give a re-cap at the end of the week. Let's cover week one shall we?

The apartment they have set me up in FABULOUS. No really. Right there on the water. I can literally walk to one end of my apartment complex and be on the water's edge. Pretty cool stuff. And they even send someone in once a week to do my cleaning. SCORE.


Training is monotonous. I think we could cover all the stuff it took us a week to cover in about 3 days, maybe less. Thankfully our class is small so it doesn't make it too chaotic. I'm walking to work every morning in the brisk SF air. Love the smell of fish guts and trash early in the morning.

I have a mixed bag and mixed reviews about my fellow classmates. There is only one of girl and we get along fabulously. The other guy that came from our same office goes from driving me to the point of murder to being a buddy. I may kill him by the end of the two months. The other two guys are nice, for the most part. One is just a little bit more pouting and full of himself for my taste, whatever. What can I say? You were never promised to like all our co-workers when you join a company.

Now the food. Oh the food. I promised myself to try a new restaurant every single night. I mean come on, I'm in one of the best places in the world for FOOD. Sad, isn't it? That the most exciting thing to me about being in the big city is the food selection. So far I have had a Gordon Biersch (eh.), Figaro (yummy Italian), Paragon (good, but overrated) and my favorite of the bunch, Home (I want to move in there.). If you want to know what I thought of these places check out my Yelp posts.

I am living almost DIRECTLY UNDER the Bay Bridge.

So here I am in SF. I have a fabulous apartment about a block from the water and four blocks from Downtown. The weather is gorgeous and I can walk to some of the coolest restaurants in the area. I'm living the life my single self would have died for. Too bad I desperately miss my hubby. Throws a wrench in the whole thing.

I know! I owe you the big "NEW JOB STORY." But please, internet, be patient with me. I'm transitioning. And we all know how FUN that is!

Here's the short version on the new job that I got mere days after being laid off.

My brother did an internship for a VERY LARGE communication company (which shall from here on be known as The Big 'Ol Company or BOC.) over the summer for his Master's. He and I chit-chatted about his job a bit and he told me to send my resume on over him just to see what would happen. At this time I wasn't planning on leaving my job, wasn't looking for another and I certainly didn't know I was getting laid off! So I sent it over and within a few hours of my brother passing it along I had a phone call from one of the manager's asking me for interview. It just so happened that the day he wanted to interview me I had already requested off from work and was planning on being in good 'ol Cow Town. I go to the interview. It goes really well. Fantastic in fact. The manager wanted to hire me that second and send me off for training the next week. I put him off and told him while I was interested I did have some loyalty to my current job. Two weeks later I was laid off.

I decide to keep this info to myself instead of sharing it with BOC. They are still telling me they want to hire me but they have some administrative changes going on and things keep getting pushed back. So I'm in contact with them through the entire month of me ending things with my job. I finally get to the point where I just don't think it is going to happen. I had one week left with my last job and hadn't heard anything from BOC. So I start to panic. Because I was KINDA looking for another job but not really that hard. What was supposed to be my second to last day of my old job (they ended up letting me go 3 days earlier.) I get a the call I had been waiting for. The official offer. Whew. How's that for perfect timing? I got two weeks off to pack and move and then I started the new JOB.

I've had two weeks at this new adventure so far and all I have to say is "EH." It's tough right now because they really don't know what to do with me. They hired me early because they really wanted to get me on the payroll. So I have FIVE WEEKS of sitting in a cublicle in an office. So not what I'm used to. That's 8 hours a day staring at grey fabric walls. And they have me cold calling. For eight hours a day. Oh yes. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about this. I know this isn't MY JOB, it's just to get me through this time. I have 3 more weeks in the office then they send me to SF for 9 weeks of training. It's going to be like being in school again! So I really won't get out and start doing my job until about the first of the year.

**SIDEBAR: Can someone PLEASE tell me when we got SO FREAKING CLOSE to 2009?!? I mean REALLY. Back to regularly scheduled programming.**

So I'm sucking it up and dealing with it all. Settling in with the Parental Unit is coming along. I think it is harder on the Hubs than it is me. I mean, they are my parents after all. There have been some very bright spots in all this. I'm seeing my sister and nieces on a weekly basis. I'm hanging out with my old Roomie again. So it's nice to have some company. Although I do miss my Fashionista Carol. (Hi Carol!) All in all we are stretching and growing. I'm looking forward to what is a head. It's a whole other chapter. I'm excited to see what comes.

Tomorrow's the big day! Moving time! It seems like I have been packing our house for a month. Oh, wait. I have. AND IT'S STILL NOT DONE. I'm so over it.

I'm sitting at my parents house right now, waiting for my sister to come pick me up and take me to the train station so that I can go back to the 'Mont and finish packing. On my drive up here it really hit me. I'm moving back home. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Actually that's not true. I'm excited to start my new job (YEA! I didn't tell you about that yet! But I will!). I'm excited to start this new chapter with my hubby. But there are a few things still floating around in the air that have to be resolved. Oh and WE ARE MOVING IN WITH MY PARENTAL UNIT.

I love my parents. I do. They are wonderful, giving people. But I grew up with them my whole life and I know how to deal with them. I know how my dad likes things and I know how easily my mom's feelings get hurt. I KNOW these things. My husband? He does not. My husband is a wonderful man, that loves me bunches but he did not grow up like I did. He basically raised himself (I know! SAD.). Things that my family takes for granted as "normal" he never has been around.

I know my parents love him. I know they are happy to have him as a son-in-love. I know they respect him. And I know they want to help us. They wouldn't have offered if they didn't. But I want my parents to have the type of relationship with my hubby that they have with my brother-in-love. Of course, my BIL has been around since he was about 13 so there is a difference. I just don't want there to be any damage to any relationships out of this. I want us to come out on the other side of this experience loving each other all the more fiercely.

Oh and we are B-R-O-K-E. But who isn't these days right? But I'm such a Type A, control-freak that the thought of how broke we are makes me grind my teeth to powder (another lovely habit of the Type A Control Freak who has just a FEW things that aren't in her control right now). I know that once I get working and get a few paychecks it should all even out but SERIOUSLY? Right now? YIKES.

Okay, enough complaining. Bright side, shall we? We are going to be with the people we love most, a roof over our head, food in our belly and a bed to sleep on. We have jobs and friends and high-maintenance dog. We are going to be FINE. Fine I tell you. Right?

Tomorrow is it. And you will here all about it then. I feel very weird about the whole thing. Sad. Peaceful. Mad. Depressed. Nervous. Excited. BLAH. Stupid emotions.

Last week I took the time to go talk to my most favorite customers and tell them that I was getting laid off. And here is why it was the saddest, best week of my life:

"We are going to miss you so much. You were the best rep we ever had."

"Why did they choose you? They made a huge mistake."

"I just want you to know that I have left a message every single day since I found out that you were being laid off telling them how upset I was."

"What are we going to do without you? You are our helper!"

"What are they thinking?!"

"We are going to miss you so much."

BWAHHHHHHHH.

These people are so kind. They have broken my heart and put it back together all week long. I'm going to miss them. I have to go cry now.

So. You've all had time to adjust to my news about my divorce. Now, who wants my resume?

I hate looking for a job. HATE. IT. With a passion. I don't mind the interview process or any of that. It's the initial hunt and sending out your email. Personally I don't think I translate well onto paper. I mean it's not like you can write like you talk on a resume. And I'm much better and more me when I write like I talk. You know, like I do here. But somehow me thinks that potential employers don't want to hear me say "like" on my resume. Or me thinks.

Also having a hard time staying on task with my almost ex-job. It's hard to really care when you know you don't have to in a week and a half. And I so don't want to be a short-timer. I always hated when my employees did that to me. One nice thing though is each and every customer I have told has been disappointed that I was leaving. I've heard some really nice things about myself and my work in the last couple of days. Which is cool. It makes me feel all gooey inside. Oh and THANK YOU my internet peeps for being all encouragy and stuff. Even brought some of the lurkers out.

In other news I think my hubby and I have decided to fight as much as possible until we move. Nothing like taking the stress out on each. Good times. Casey told me that nothing will solidify my marriage like living with my parental unit. I REALLY hope she was serious.

Remember this post lurkers? And I KNOW you are lurking because I see you on my site counter! Plus you all pretty much emailed me immediately trying to get the scoop.

Anywho, here is the scoop.

I'm getting laid off.

My and job are going splitsville.

I "knew" it was coming. Sort of. I had a very strong suspicion anyway. On Monday of last week my boss CALLED (I have a completely separate opinion on how it was handled) me and said that I needed to make a choice. I could take the severance package or I could take a demotion, a paycut, and lose my car (I have a company car that is completely paid for. I am an outside sales person.). Let me see. . .you want to DEMOTE me. You want to LOWER my pay and you want to ADD to my expenses? Hmmmmm. I know I'm being flippant, but it was a hard choice. I love my job and I love the people I work with. I have a great branch and great customers. Plus IT IS A JOB. But I really didn't want to take 3 steps back. I have worked really hard to get where I am and if I go backwards it will take me just as long to get back where I am! Even though they did tell me that if things turned around they would "probably" promote me back to my current position I just felt like I couldn't count on it. They can't predict what will happen. Heck, they didn't even predict this!

So as of August 15th I am no longer employed. I have no other job offer. I have a few things in the works but nothing I'm totally sure is a done deal. And while I know this is a business decision and it's not personal it is hard to not be a little pissed off by the whole thing. But I'm just trying to have a good attitude (despite what the picture at the top may tell you) about the whole. And not stress.

HA! Yea right.

OH, there's more. . .

The day I found out about my upcoming lay-off we got a letter from our apartment complex letting us know that our lease was coming up. We could either renew a year lease with a slight increase in rent or go month-to-month and pay $2000 PER MONTH. They seriously need to lay off the crack pipe. I mean, I don't live in a dump but it's not freaking Beverly Hills. It's less than 900 square feet! So on Friday when I announced that I would be taking the severance package I then went to our apartment complex and gave our notice.

That's right. I'm jobless and homeless.

Thankfully Hubby has already put in a transfer back to his old store in Sacramento. So in two weeks I lose my job, in 30 days we are moving to Sacramento. Oh and because we live in the Bay Area which is so expensive you can't save a single dime we are going to have to move in with my Parental Unit for a few months until we can buy me a car and save up some money to get into a new place. Oh lordy. It's gonna be interesting.

So if I seem a little more snarky than usual or a little down in the dumps now you know why. And if you know of anyone that's hiring I've got a shiny new resume!

So I was informed this weekend, rather bluntly, that I was a slacker. How are people supposed to keep up on my life if I don't blog? I know, I know. Terrible.

Life has been, shall we say, overwhelming. The job is still no fun. I just want to survive it. So there is that. And then there is the whole married thing. Gotta keep that alive and kicking! Can't live on love alone people! Oh and then there is all the crafting projects that I decided I just had to do. I'm teaching myself to sew. Not necessarily an easy thing! But I did make a very cute jeanskirt. Next project is an apron. There have been visits from the familia (hi Mom!) and trips out of town. And the other little blogs and newsletters and projects I'm working on. Whew. I'm tired. And of course I have to squeeze in my TV time. Can't miss my Jon & Kate Plus 8!

But I'm back with new resolve. No really. Just be patient with me. I'm a work in progress.